A Problematic Feminist: An Evaluation of Vivian Gornick Essay Example

In the fifties and sixties, women were known for being pushed around by men, and were expected to be submissive towards them. Whether it was their husbands, classmates, coworkers, or even random men on the street, they believed they had the upperhand in every interaction with a woman. However, Vivian Gornick was passionate about standing up for herself, and not letting anyone, especially men, tell her what to do, or how to live her life. Vivian Gornick is a radical feminist who is known for her multitudes of journal writings, essays, and memoirs. One of her most memorable works, Fierce Attachments, was published in 1987. She recounts stories of growing up in the Bronx, her ever-changing relationship with her mother, and the influential men in her life who each caused her to grow into the person she is today. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this memoir, and would recommend it to others. In fact, her work and writing style is so exceptional that Gornick became one of my role models and favorite authors. However, there was a constant theme I noticed while analyzing this text. Occasionally, I felt as though Gornick was trying to persuade the reader to agree with her in certain situations. Whether it was to convince the reader that she was in the right whenever she had an argument with her mother, or even to convince the readers that she made the right choice when she decided to have a serious relationship with a married man. Until I realized she was subtly doing this, I agreed that she was always correct in these situations. It was not until I finished reading that I realized she would blame her actions on other people. I am undecided on whether or not Gornick purposely wrote this way, or if she was subconsciously trying to excuse her actions. This type of behavior is important to be able to identify, because it can stop unsuspecting people from falling victim to manipulators and gaslighters. In addition, I noticed how she presents herself as a “feminist,” but constantly did the opposite of what feminists stand for. I had thought Gornick was overall a good person until I realized her toxic behaviors. Although I still agree on the majority of her actions and the decisions she made when she was younger, some of the choices she made caused me to lose some respect for her. 

The first time I caught myself agreeing with the author in a ridiculous situation was when her mother told her the story about how she had been sexually assaulted by her uncle, named Sol, when she was sixteen years old. Ma had told her the story three times, and the last two times, Gornick had asked incredibly insensitive questions. Firstly, Gornick asked her mother if she had said anything to him during the assault. When she replied no, Gornick said, “‘It just seems odd not to have uttered a sound, not to have indicated your fears at all’” (Gornick 9). I understand that she was curious about the situation, but Gornick had no right to suggest a comment that seemed as though she was shaming her mother for not telling her uncle to stop. The second comment she had made was “‘Ma, did it ever occur to you to ask yourself why you remained silent when Sol made his move?’” to which her mother replied, “‘Are you trying to say I liked it? … I wanted my uncle to rape me, is that it?’” (Gornick 9). Looking back on the situation, I cannot believe that I had sided with Gornick. I had thought that her mother was overreacting to a simple question. However, once I reevaluated the situation, I realized that Ma had every right to be upset and offended. Gornick sounded like she was shaming her mother, and insinuating that it was her fault that she was sexually assaulted, which is obviously not the case. I understand Gornick may have had pure intentions, but she had the wrong execution. 

Another situation where I did not agree with Gornick’s actions was when she got upset at Joe, a married man who was twenty years older than her, for trying to cheat on her with one of her friends. Gornick states, “‘If Linda keeps silent,’ I said, ‘the two of you share a secret. I immediately lose equal standing. I become the deceived wife…” (Gornick 187). She says this after Joe became upset that Linda, Gornick’s friend, ratted him out for writing a provocative letter to her. What I could not understand was how she was okay with Joe’s wife being cheated on, but it was completely unforgivable for her to be cheated on. What is even more unfathomable is how she thought she was so untouchable, that a cheater could never cheat on her. I was appalled at how she had no remorse for his wife. Now that she had felt what it was like to be betrayed, she somehow still had no sympathy for that woman. Gornick had made two comments before this particular situation that caused her to sound like a complete hypocrite. The first being “Joe’s wife was a problem” (Gornick 179) and “Joe’s wife was an abstraction to me. I felt neither guilt nor jealousy toward her” (Gornick 171). The first statement is just simply incorrect. Although his wife may be a problem in Gornick’s life, Gornick is actually the problem in the entire situation. Joe is a married man, who already has a wife who loves him. However, it can be argued that Joe is also the problem. He is unfaithful, and should not be with other women. He obviously seeks attention from other women because some of his needs are not being fulfilled. However, this does not excuse his actions. He should be mature and have a conversation with his wife about what is lacking in their relationship instead of running around behind her back with other women. Ultimately, the only person that is not a problem is Joe’s wife, which exposes Gornick’s selfishness. The second statement is just plain inconsiderate. It is one thing to realize that what you are doing is wrong, and to feel sympathy for intentionally hurting another person. However, it is completely repulsive to be oblivious to your stupidity. 

The final situation that caused me to lose some respect for the author was when she married Stefan. Gornick recalls, “I must fight for the integrity of my opposed love, fight her to the death. But each day at noon I was overcome by a wave of nausea, and chaos beat inside my head. What was I doing? Why was I getting married? Why was I marrying him? Who was he? … Don’t think about it, it’s too late now, all too late. If she wins this one you are lost” (Gornick 134). She began to have these thoughts after her mother continuously berated her for wanting to get married to Stefan, who Ma did not approve of, partly because he was not Jewish. The only reason Gornick decided to stay with him is because she wanted to prove a point to her mother. She knew what she was doing was wrong, which is why she had a guilty conscience and second-guessed herself daily. She married Stefan out of the spite she had for her mother. I felt sympathy for him because of how Gornick treated him when they were married. Stefan would try to do nice things for her, but instead of being grateful, Gornick would push him aside and completely disregard his needs and wants. For example, Gornick recollects, “Stefan came into the room and suggested we go for a walk. I lifted the book from my lap and said no, I had to finish the chapter. The next night he suggested a movie. No, I said, I was too tired. The third night there was a party at the school. ‘You go,’ I said, ‘I’m really not in the mood’” (Gornick 144). Stefan had tried to be patient with her, tried to make an effort, and tried to save their marriage. She had no respect for him. At first, I sympathized with Gornick because I thought her mother was to blame. Ma was always giving her opinion about how her daughter should live her life. However, I realized that Gornick was egocentric for wasting an innocent person’s time. Gornick says, “I did love him, I did. But only down to a certain point” (Gornick 154). When you are married to someone, I believe you should love them with your whole heart, not just to an extent. It is not fair to the other person when they are given fallacious feelings, while only giving true love and affection in return. 

I am positive that Vivian Gornick has done some great things for women while being a feminist. However, the way she acted when she was younger would have been disgraceful to women who believe in supporting other women. Feminists do not make victims of sexual assault feel like it was their fault, or date married men, or even marry someone just to spite another woman, even if it is their own mother. While Gornick had stood up to many men in her youth, which was very brave in her time, she could have handled interactions with women better. She is not completely to blame, as her childhood upbringing had a monumental role in how she ended up as an adult. I believe this memoir is a great way for adolescent girls to learn what is right and wrong when making important decisions in their adulthood. Gornick is still a respectable woman who learned from her mistakes, and continues to inspire young women around the world.