A Quest for Where the Self Belongs (Siddhartha by Herman Hesse Book Analysis)

In Siddhartha by Herman Hesse, Siddhartha leaves everything he had as a Brahman's son when he decides to embark on his quest. He embarks on this quest to gain deep knowledge and enlightenment that he cannot gain living with his parents. Siddhartha initially decides to spend his life as a samana. He lives among nature without any possessions. Siddhartha meets and converses with the Buddha but is not fully moved by his teachings. After living as a samana for some time, Siddhartha decides to live the life of a merchant, becoming rich and engulfing himself in worldly pleasures. Siddhartha enjoys this life, and even meets a woman named Kamala who he loves and connects with. Siddhartha is immersed in this merchant lifestyle and has a son with Kamala. However, living his life this way took Siddhartha away from his samana like ways and Siddhartha lost his ability to think and fast. Siddhartha then discovers himself again when he reunites with a ferryman. Siddhartha finds himself through the river and is able to live his life how he wants. This long quest to the life Siddhartha wants to live is driven by his experiences in each stage of his journey. Siddhartha never truly gains enlightenment until he finds his place on the river at the end of his quest. In Siddhartha's quest he first takes a path away from the Self, then towards the Self until he finds the Self through the river. 

Siddhartha embarks on a journey to become a samana because he wants the Self to die inside him. He lives without any worldly pleasures. Siddhartha rids himself of all possessions and braves the elements of the world. He learns to live in the cold until he doesn’t feel cold anymore. Siddhartha learns to fast until he doesn’t feel hungry anymore. Siddhartha and his companion Govinda find the Buddha and listen to his teachings carefully. Unlike the other samanas listening to the Buddha, Siddhartha is brave enough to form his own opinions and question the teachings of the Buddha. Siddhartha has a conversation with the Buddha regarding his teachings. He says, “If I were one of your followers, I fear that it would only be on the surface, that I would deceive myself that I was at peace and had attained salvation, while in truth the Self would continue to live and grow, for it would have been transformed into your teachings, into my allegiance and love for you for the community of the monks” (Hesse 35). Siddhartha believes that if he were to live among the monks and the Buddha, he would not achieve true enlightenment but only believe he has it on the surface. Siddhartha continues on his own journey but becomes overwhelmed by his thoughts. The dilemma of what Siddhartha will do with his life causes him much stress. Finally, Siddhartha realizes that he does not want to escape himself like the samanas seek to do. He thinks, “The reason why I do not know anything about myself, the reason why Siddhartha has remained alien and unknown to myself is due to one thing, to one single thing -- I was afraid of myself, I was fleeing from myself” (38). Siddhartha realizes that he is wrong to try to separate himself from himself. Siddhartha awakens himself to realize he needs to live his life differently. “He looked around him as if seeing the world for the first time. The world was beautiful, strange and mysterious, here was blue, here was yellow, here was green, sky and river, woods and mountains, all beautiful, all mysterious and enchanting, and in the midst of it, he, Siddhartha, the awakened one, on the way to himself” (39). After being awakened, Siddhartha can see the world in a different perspective. Siddhartha attempted to be a samana and find enlightenment however he realized that he needed to be connected to himself. Prior to his awakening, Siddhartha was taking a path away from the Self, now Siddhartha is taking a path towards the Self. 

Siddhartha finds his way to a town where he decides to find the Self again and become a businessman. In the town, he gains experience with worldly things. He thinks, “He must gain experience himself. He had known for a long time that his Self was Atman, of the same eternal nature of Brahman, but he had never really found his Self, because he had wanted to trap it in the net of thoughts” (Hesse 47). Siddhartha had previously wanted to lose the notion of the Self, he did so by becoming a samana and focusing on his thoughts. However, now that Siddhartha decides to take a path toward himself, he focuses on possessions, love, and business. “Like a player who plays with his ball, he played with business, with the people around him, watched them; derived amusement from them, but with his heart, with his real nature, he was not there” (71). Siddhartha loved the complex lifestyle he lived. He lives a life connected to himself and the pleasures he enjoys. Siddhartha enjoys making business deals and becoming successful in this new stage of his quest. However, Siddhartha realizes that he has become lost from his previous ways. He realizes that he is not living true to his nature and beliefs in the samana lifestyle. “Slowly, like moisture entering the dying tree trunk, slowly filling and rotting it, so did the world and inertia creep into Siddhartha’s soul; it slowly filled his soul, made it heavy, made it tired, sent it to sleep” (76). Siddharthas long attempt to come back to the Self tired him. It made him lose his ability to think and fast and corrupted him until he realized the mistake he had made. Siddhartha realizes that he must not disconnect from the Self but find himself through another means. 

After becoming engulfed in a lifestyle connected to the Self, Siddhartha leaves in an attempt to find the Self through something else. He realizes his abilities he gained living like a samana have been numbed by the years of living amongst the world. Siddhartha goes to cross the river that he previously crossed on his journey towards his Self. Siddhartha meets Vasudeva again, the ferryman that previously took him across the river. He almost instantly falls in love with the river. “But today he only saw one of the river’s secrets, one that gripped his soul. He saw that the water continually flowed and flowed and yet every moment it was new” (Hesse 102). Siddhartha starts to see a connection to the Self in the river. Instead of journeying to become closer or further away from the Self, Siddhartha sees life and the Self through the river. The river flows like one's life does. Siddhartha sees that his life and his Self is the river. Siddhartha says, “‘That is it,’ said Siddhartha, ‘and when I learned that, I reviewed my life and it was also a river, and Siddhartha the boy, Siddhartha the mature man and Siddhartha the old man, were only separated by shadows, not through reality” (107). The river is Siddhartha's new passion. He does not need to be a samana or be a businessman to become enlightened. Vasudeva the ferryman teaches him the ways of the river. Siddhartha lives out his life as a ferryman and finds true happiness. It is on the river where Siddhartha realizes that his son is carrying out the quest that Siddhartha has carried out through his life. “Everything that was not suffered to the end and finally concluded, recurred, and the same sorrows were undergone” (132). Like the river, life flows and reocurres. The notion of the Self is found in the river, not in being a samana or a worldly man. Siddhartha is able to end his quest, he is able to find happiness and the Om. 

Siddhartha's quest is a constant search for enlightenment amongst himself. Throughout his quest, Siddhartha is unsure of what he aspires to be. He is unsure of whether or not he his Self to live in him and be shown to the world or whether he wants the Self to die and be disconnected from the world. First, Siddhartha seeks for the Self to die. Next, Siddhartha lets the Self live inside him until he loses touch of his old ways. Finally Siddhartha is able to find enlightenment and find the Self through the river. Siddhartha's quest is ultimately a quest to find where the Self belongs.