Common College Application Example

I only ever really thought of myself as words almost like a stranger looking in from the outside- white, middle class, teen, all the things the world sees me as. My whole life I have questioned who I am. For instance, when I’m with my friends am I being my actual self or just fronting specific characteristics of mine that they know as me. The same goes for when I’m with my family or even alone. When am I truly myself? About a year and a half ago my entire world changed in one day. After this shift in life and a ludicrous amount of depression and isolation I ultimately identified who I am.

My freshman year of high school was veered off track by COVID-19. Once fall came back around I decided to continue my schooling virtually. I was given a Chromebook and a Google Classroom login and I just like I was left to guide myself through sophomore year. My family continued to work throughout COVID so I was left alone. I wasn’t a stranger to being alone, in fact, I was well acquainted with loneliness and preferred it, but this time it was taken to an extreme. Day in and day out I was left alone with my thoughts- sometimes I would talk to the walls waiting to hear a response or stare at the door waiting for someone to come home. I was forsaken every day from 7 am to 7 pm and sometimes no one would come home at all, having better things to do. As much as I longed for them to come home during the day, having them not come home at all often had a better outcome, for when they did come home they would be cantankerous and it was my job to be their jester. I have always been responsible for infectious bouts of laughter or bringing elation to the lethargic days since I was a child. However, these once pleasant and habitual tasks became fatiguing and mentally debilitating, as I was pretending to be chipper for everyone else’s sake. No one ever asked about my day because they knew I was just sitting at home. This led to me internalizing all my thoughts and emotions and putting on this facade that I was happy. This cycle continued for 11 months with the effects of my daily solitude  becoming detrimental to my psyche, feeling almost like a psychological experiment. 

It only took one cataclysmic eruption of repressed emotions and frustration to get this cycle to end. It started with a completely unrelated argument with my mother and spiraled into an uncontrollable and almost involuntary mental breakdown with so much screaming and crying I thought I could fill the Pacific Ocean. After the dust settled it was obvious that I needed to go back to school and at this point that was something my family was comfortable with. Three days later like kismet the school sent out an email strongly encouraging online students to come back to school. 

Once I got back to a “normal” setting it was obvious to me how much I had changed and learned about myself. I discovered I was confident and expressive where before I was closed off and timid, even with those I was closest to. Now, I am more comfortable around everyone because I feel like I’m being genuine, not pretending anymore. I also used to hate telling people about myself, like icebreakers, because I thought there was nothing about myself worth knowing but now I acknowledge that I am worth knowing. This sudden change in self doesn’t mean I’m done looking for who I am or that I’m done evolving, this shift was just the first crack in the dam. Those months I spent in a deep despondency was necessary for me to start living my bona fide life.