Essay About Paternal Conflict

Fathers are often overlooked in the importance of raising a child, but without a father, children often grow up to be undisciplined and end up dropping out of school. In the Afghanistan household, mothers do almost all of the work raising children, while the fathers provide food and shelter. Men can have multiple wives, and it is commonplace for them to have sons from different mothers. However, if a man sleeps with one of his friend's wives, this is looked down upon as an act of betrayal. While he still held respect in the public eye, Baba did this to his best friend/servant Ali. Baba treats his sons differently, not publicly claiming Hassan while still looking out for him at the same time, but he seems to be constantly disappointed by Amir, his public son. Throughout the Kite Runner, the father-son relationship between Baba and his two sons develops through the reasoning behind Amir’s actions with Hassan, his feelings of guilt and regret, and the background of Baba’s decisions on his treatment of Amir. 

Baba’s special treatment of Hassan leads to Amir fostering anger and jealousy, which is put on display by his actions concerning both his father and servant. Amir feels jealous when Baba does nice things for Hassan, instead of being happy for his friend, “I wished I too had some kind of scar that would beget Baba’s sympathy. It wasn’t fair. Hassan hadn’t done anything to earn Baba’s affections”(Hosseini 46). Amir’s character is developed here, as this quote is from his perspective and takes a closer look into his psyche when his father treats Hassan with respect. Another example of Amir’s jealousy is seen when buying kites, “If I changed my mind and asked for a bigger and fancier kite, Baba would buy it for me-but then he’d buy it for Hassan too. Sometimes I wished he wouldn’t do that. Wished he’d let me be the favorite” (Hosseini 51). Amir views Hassan as below him because of his race, which leads to negative emotions such as anger and fear arising when he receives the same treatment as the Hazara. He resorts to lying to his father about Hassan when he wants him to himself because although he does not view Hassan as an equal, he is paranoid about being outdone by him in front of Baba. “He asked me to fetch Hassan too, but I lied and told him Hassan had the runs. I wanted Baba all to myself. And besides, one time at Ghargha Lake, Hassan and I were skimming stones and Hassan made his stone skip eight times. The most I managed was five. Baba was there, watching, and he patted Hassan on the back. Even put his arm around his shoulder”(Hosseini 14). Amir is straight-up lying to his father so that he can have him to himself, and describes a time when Baba favored Hassan instead of him because he could skip more rocks. Amir is very selfish when things concern Baba, and has no problem hanging out with Hassan all the time one on one, but when it comes to Baba, Amir wants him all to himself. “Do you want to ask Hassan to come along to Jalalabad? Why did Baba have to spoil it like that? ‘He’s mareez,’ I said. Not feeling well”(Hosseini 82). 

Leading to feelings of regret and guilt, Amir often bases his decisions upon improving his relationship with Baba instead of his personal beliefs. Amir consistently prioritizes his father's desires over Hassan, “the real reason I was running, was that Assef was right: Nothing was free in this world. Maybe Hassan was the price I had to pay, the lamb I had to slay, to win Baba”(Hosseini 77). Amir could have stepped in to help his friend, but decided that getting the kite for Baba was his prime objective, forever changing his relationship with Hassan. “I treated Hassan well, just like a friend, better even, more like a brother. But if so, then why, when Baba’s friends came to visit with their kids, didn’t I ever include Hassan in our games? Why did I play with Hassan only when no one else was around?”(Hosseini 41). Amir constantly pushes back his dream of becoming a writer because of his father until the very end of the novel when he finally stands up for himself. “‘I think I’ll major in English,’ I said. I winced inside, waiting for his reply. ‘English?’ ‘Creative writing.’ He considered this. Sipped his tea.‘Stories, you mean. You’ll make up stories.’ I looked down at my feet. ‘They pay for that, making up stories?’”(Hosseini 134). Baba's immediate reaction to Amir's college major is to disparage his dream of becoming a writer, offering no support to his son.

Amir and Baba’s relationship is heavily affected by Baba and his relationship with others, leading to Amir making some decisions that have harmful consequences on many people, including himself. Amir spends some time analyzing his relationship with Hassan and reflects upon their first encounter with Assef. While reminiscing, he remembers the time in the alley that led to Amir almost giving up his Hazara, which could have been fueled by his underlying desire to have Baba to himself, along with his cowardice, “Assef narrowed his eyes. Shook his head. When he spoke again, he sounded as baffled as he looked. ‘How can you call him your friend?’ But he’s not my friend! I almost blurted. He’s my servant!”(Hosseini 41). An example of Amir’s anger building up occurs at the time of Hassan’s birthday, “I wished I too had some kind of scar that would beget Baba’s sympathy. It wasn’t fair. Hassan hadn’t done anything to earn Baba’s affections; he’d just been born with that stupid harelip”(Hosseini 46). Amir, instead of feeling happy that his best friend was able to have his birth defect corrected, is left feeling envious. Amir feels like he is never able to win Baba’s approval, despite trying constantly, and he is overtaken by these jealous emotions because he sees Baba giving affection to Hassan because of his cleft lip, which confuses him and even makes him wish that he had a birth defect of his own. Amir can’t bear the guilt of having Hassan around, so he requests that Baba get new servants, which to his surprise, Baba is heavily offended by and opposed. “‘Hassan’s not going anywhere,’ Baba snapped. He dug a new hole with the trowel, striking the dirt harder than he had to. ‘He’s staying right here with us, where he belongs. This is his home and we’re his family. Don’t you ever ask me that question again!’”(Hosseini 90). Baba’s reaction seems out of place, but with additional information from the end of the novel, his confrontational reaction makes more sense, as Hassan is his second son, and he would never send him away. Amir’s relationship with Baba often resulted in Amir as the less dominant force out of the pair, remaining the case until Baba is on his deathbed. This relationship destroyed Amir’s confidence and Baba’s health while he had cancer. “It was the crying that brought it on then, the crying that brought it on now. ‘You’re twenty-two years old, Amir! A grown man! You…’ He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, reconsidered. Above us, rain drummed on the canvas awning. ‘What’s going to happen to you, you say? All those years, that’s what I was trying to teach you, how to never have to ask that question.”(Hosseini 157).

The father-son relationship between Baba and his two sons in the Kite Runner illustrates the background behind Amir’s actions with Hassan, Amir’s feelings of guilt and regret, and the motive behind Baba’s harsh treatment of Amir. Baba took his secret of having an illegitimate Hazara son to his grave, and it influenced the lives of many of his close friends and even how Baba treated others. Baba was the hardest on Amir, mainly because he was his official son, along with his birth resulting in the death of the woman Baba had been married to for years. Not only was Hassan given special treatment for a Hazara, but it was given to him by a man who refused to offer special treatment to his son, which led to many occurrences of jealousy and even contempt from Amir. When a father gives special treatment to others in front of their son, who they do not treat particularly well, it has negative results for both the son and father and affects everyone they meet, whether they know it or not.