Fears Inside Fears: Essay About Fear

Why do I fear this? Think about this question and focus on the why part. I’ve thought about this question a lot and it made me understand what my true fear is, and how fears can be within fears. It started with the fear of heights, then death, and finally the unknown. It all started when my family decided to go to the Space Needle in Seattle, a tall tower that was around 600 ft above the ground. I was around 8 years old at this time, so I knew nothing about what this was and how dreadful the experience would be for me. Before this trip, we watched a movie called San Andreas, which is about a family getting separated due to the San Andreas fault line moving and creating an extreme earthquake and tsunami. In this movie, an earthquake causes buildings to collapse and people to die from the destruction. It was a thrilling movie to watch, but it also made me realize how a person can wake up and not know their life is going to be lost. We used an elevator to reach the top of the building. As we escalated, I noticed the see-through walls the elevator had. I especially noticed how the ground become smaller and smaller, and I imagined the floor suddenly shattering, leaving nothing between us and the ground, which is around 200 feet below us. In the movie, a lady tried to escape the falling building by entering an elevator but the elevator malfunctions, and she falls to her death.  Being in the elevator made me realize that this could happen to us too. At first, it was just confusion, confusion about whether it was actually scared or if I was just tricking myself. But the more I thought about it, the more scared I go. At one point it was like my entire body just didn’t cooperate. I couldn’t move and my eyes wouldn’t look away from the ground. I realized how high up we were and how I could fall to my death any minute. We entered the Space Needle and I felt a little safe due to the inability to see the ground. Sadly this was only temporary because people were moving around, jumping up and down, and having a good time when the only thought I had was, is this building going to fall? Knowing myself, I used to be very interested in how the Earth worked and about tectonic plates. Additionally, I discovered  Seattle has a fault line right next to it. It is rare for Seattle to have an earthquake, but the chances are still there. In San Andreas, tall buildings collapsed to the ground and the people inside died. There was a possibility that if there was an earthquake, we would fall to our death. The Space Needle looks like a spinning top (the toy that you spin with your hand) but flipped upside down. The body looks similar to a stick and the top is a circle. The longer I was there, the more afraid I felt, and overall it a horrendous experience 

As I thought about this experience of mine, I understood that I had Acrophobia, also known as the fear of heights. It made sense; I hated roller coasters, tall buildings, and even planes. But why? Why didn’t I like these things? As I continued to think about this, I realized that my fears were just beyond acrophobia. I was scared of death which was difficult for me to make sense of, as the years progressed  I started to venture in my fears; At the pool, I formed a hatred towards the deep water because it reminded me of the sea and how deep it is. As I pursued learning more about my terror I began to feel like something was missing To my deepest regrets it was nearly impossible for me to put my finger on what was the missing piece, then it dawned on me I feared death. Even though I made this realization I was still unsure how deep my fears went. Was I just afraid of death?  was it something far bigger than death?

Then finally it dawned on me that it wasn't just death I feared. It was the fear of the unknown. Plane crashes, earthquakes, and buildings collapsing are not something that happens daily. The fear of the unknown impacts my life in unimaginable ways. For instance, riding roller coasters and visiting tall buildings, such as the Space Needle or the Burj Khalifa is something people love to do, and this fear takes that enjoyment away from me.