Fragile Emotional State of Human Beings in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

“It was not the feeling of completeness I needed, but the feeling of not being empty.” When does the pain stop? Everyday people are losing loved ones and get hurt, trying to move past these emotions and their feelings, but they cannot. But when can the pain stop, why does this emptiness consume us until there's nothing left? Are we as fragile as people said or are we stronger than what was expected?

Losing a father is hard enough, but losing one the way Oskar had is very traumatic. Dying in the attack of 9/11 on September 11, 2001 while your family has no idea what is happening or going to happen to you will have a dramatic effect on one's mental health. Since the death of his father, he no longer likes helicopters, high-rise buildings, and since the death of his father things that remind him of 9/11 are no longer the same as before. These are some symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) like in the movie ‘reign over me’ Charlie Fineman has certain things that trigger him into thinking about the death of his family. Like in the courtroom he saw a photo of them freaked out because he can't emotionally handle the memories of them, he would rather pretend that part of his life never happened. In most cases ending in violence. Even though Oskar does not react horribly to these triggers he still tries to avoid them as much as possible just like Charlie. Oskar was not the only one to go through a traumatic experience every character within the novel had some challenge to overcome in their life. For example grandma went through a horrible situation that no human should have to go through. She lost her family in a bombing in Dresden, her son died in 9/11 and her husband left her to raise her son all alone. Even though she went through all of this she looked on the bright side of everything saying if this never happened to her she never would have met Oskar who makes her the happiest person in the world. 

The act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty. Recovery is not something that happens overnight. There are many steps to recovery, and even if you complete them all, you may never fully recover. Oskar is an example of this; he is trying to recover but has never fully recovered, and this could take many years. It's so difficult because you constantly have these ideas in your head about how things could have been different or how you could have helped. When Oskar answered the phone, he was reminded that he could have talked to his father one last time. Charlie's final words to his wife resulted in a fight. You must now live with the constant reminder of the last time you talked to them. But it's not just the last time you've talked to them; it's also the last time you'll see them and long to be with them. But recovery or healing isn't about forgetting those you've loved; it's about moving on with your life and knowing they'll always be with you, whether in your heart or in your head.

Being emotionally fragile doesn't mean you are weak, it makes you stronger. We have a cultural aversion to being emotional  or, at the very least, to appearing to be emotional. We're taught as children that this is a sign of weakness, that emotion should be ashamed of. Oskar grew up without facing any problems until 9/11 and since he has never felt these emotions he felt as though he should not show them and share them with people. Making him feel ashamed to cry in front of people but not only him his mother never cried in front of him to ‘stay strong’ for him but that shouldn't be the case. Just because a tragic incident has happened you shouldn't feel the need to be ashamed or think that people shouldn't see you at a weak point in your life. Embrace it, we are all human. As cheesy as this sounds there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may seem like everyone is against you and nothing is going right but at the end of the day what you went through will make you a stronger person. Even if you think about it, no one is truly as strong as they appear. Everyone has gone through something to get them where they are today. There's a saying that the struggle that you're feeling today is developing the strength you need tomorrow. 

Earlier in this essay I asked a question: when does the pain stop? Well to answer that question the answer is really up to you. The real question is when do you want to get better? The only way to help yourself is to try and be ready to heal, come to terms with yourself and know what you want. Oskar hasn't come to those terms yet he hasn't healed completely. Talking to someone and explaining how you feel will help more than you could know. Having that weight lifted off your chest and getting through the hardest part of the road to recovery. Some may have negative thoughts about talking about their feelings and not like to feel those strong emotions. Like Oskar he pushes his emotions down, but if he keeps doing this he will eventually explode. There are so many ways we could go on and on about how to help you self but all the advice in the world will never help you until you help yourself.