How It All Blew Up by Arvin Ahmadi Book Analysis

Why is belonging such an important part of being human? Eighteen year old Amir Azadi from Arvin Ahamadi’s How it All Blew Up comes upon the realization that he is gay and feels ashamed about himself. Impulsively, he runs away to Rome where he finds friendship, purpose, and self-love on a long and riveting adventure. In Rome, Amir learns a heavy truth; belonging is a vital part of identity, bravery, and acceptance. 

As this novel shows, identity comes from belonging. While in Rome, Amir explains to his friend Jahan the impact Italy has had on him as a person with the revelation; “I was keeping a scoreboard-it's hard to explain, but the points were never in my favor. They just weren’t. Then I came to Rome, and the points started adding up, you know? They were finally in my favor and I felt like I was winning” (Ahmadi 195). At the start of the novel, Amir introduces the scoreboard analogy and uses it throughout the span of the story. At first, as he says, the points are against him and that makes him feel like an outcast or that he does not belong. But when he arrives in Rome and establishes a sense of belonging with Jahan and his friends, there is a major shift in the point system and in Amir’s identity itself. The points add up in Amir’s favor because he has found belonging, and his identity develops as a result. 

What’s more, belonging is not only an important aspect of one’s own identity but also promotes bravery. As an example, once Amir’s parents come to take him back to America, Amir demands to speak to them about his sexuality, “The whole reason I left home was because I was afraid to have this conversation. I’m not afraid anymore”(Ahmadi 243). Without a doubt, at the start of the novel, Amir runs away from home because he is afraid of his parents discovering that he is gay. After his time in Rome, he was able to muster enough courage to have a conversation with them about it, even going as far to say how “[he’s] not afraid anymore” (Ahmadi 243). By having this newfound feeling of security that surfaces from the sense of belonging that he establishes in Rome, Amir takes on a new perception of bravery that was not evident before. 

Furthermore, acceptance is also a result of having belonging in life. After meeting Jackson, Amir’s boyfriend before Rome, Amir tells him that he “didn’t fit in anywhere”(Ahmadi 7). Subsequently, at Jahan’s going away party, later in the novel, Amir presents; “Life’s not about keeping score like that. It’s about finding people who see you”(Ahmadi 155). Amir’s speech is a prime example of his growth regarding acceptance. Amir is not only accepted by his friends, but feels comfortable enough with himself to be the real Amir.  Thus, Amir has found the sense of belonging, and it gives him the validation he needs to be who he wants to be.  

Belonging is not only an important part of someone’s own identity but can also promote bravery and acceptance. With the new insights that Amir discloses throughout the duration of How it All Blew Up by Arvin Ahmadi, we now know how many wondrous emotions and characteristics can arise as a result of belonging. Belonging has the power to change, not just how the world views us, but how we view ourselves.