Immigration Essay: Should I Keep Pushing Or Give Up?

Sometimes, I lose the hopes of living. I wonder if one day I will be truly happy again. I was born In El Salvador and raise by my grandparents. I grew up having a happy childhood with a lot of animals by my side and an uncle who I call dad. It was excruciatingly difficult to leave behind the people I love. My parents immigrated to the USA when I was 1 year old. The first year of living with them was sweet, but after a few years, everything turned upside down. I appreciate they wanted a better future for us, but, I felt as though they were strangers to me and the bond had been broken. All was unfamiliar and perplexing. Our mother did not show us affection, and to be honest, I was jealous that my younger sister received all of the attention. My mother said that she only has one daughter and that she regrets having children. When I first arrived, I was under the impression that we were going to go shopping and watch movies together, as I had seen in the movies. And our dad didn’t show affection and got mad at the little things. I was in so much pain thinking that I had destroyed my mother's life. I try to recall my memories and figure out what I did wrong. Why doesn't she love me? All I want is love and encouragement. She'd said so many awful things. I'm in so much anguish because I know my parents were the first to shatter me into millions of pieces. I eventually isolate myself from others. My depression, as well as all of my insecurities, were all established. She also says she wants me out of her life to this day. Yet I try to believe that she loves me deep down.   On Mother's Day, she said the words "Te Quiero," which I desperately needed to hear.

The night has a love-hate relationship with me. I enjoy the night because it allows me to be alone and not pretend to be happy. But, every nightfall, my skin itches, and my heart beats faster and faster every second, making me feel as though I can't breathe while I question my own life. I want to run without looking back. I just want to talk to someone about how I'm feeling, but I don't like putting people in uncomfortable situations, and I can't express my emotions.

I'm a person who enjoys reflection. What I often think about is how the world has forgotten two vital words: RESPECT AND EMPATHY. I believe that the world will be a much better place if those two terms were used more often because with respect will not be discriminating against others, we can respect their beliefs, and I believe we can have more empathy because we don't know what the other person is going through, and empathy will help a person feel better. I encouraged that we should not judge people based on their skin color, religious views, or the clothes they wear. 

In my school, I had noticed so many girls criticizing other girls, and I wondered why we as women keep judging other women's bodies and the way they choose to dress or speak; it makes no sense and will never make sense because it is something that should not be normalized at all. My message is that we should be able to speak honestly about mental health without feeling judged or as if we had done something wrong; I had felt that way when I tried to talk about my mental health and they either tried to change the subject or try to blame me; I think many people have experienced this; we should help that person rather than criticizing or blaming them. 

Also, I admire those who care for the environment. The world needs us, and we must be more mindful of the harm we are causing and work to repair it. I despise how people mistreat animals for the sake of obtaining a decoration or a piece of fabric. Some direct their rage at them solely because they are vulnerable. Subsequently, we should have RESPECT, EMPATHY, and LOVE. We should not be Racist to anyone, and we should not  Judge. We must strive to make the world a better place by instilling Love, Empathy, Respect, and Kindness.

I want to empower myself through education. I want to prove to my sisters that they can do everything they set their minds to. I have the ambition to get a bachelor's degree in business and psychology. I want to start my own business. I want to be financially independent and able to support my family. Most importantly, I want to support all children in creating their future. I'd like to see everybody content and at ease. I genuinely want to support others. It brings me joy. In my 18 years of life, I've learned to be patient, compassionate, respectful, loyal, and kind. Every day, I try to live by Sadhguru's words, "Today, wherever I go, I will create a peaceful, loving, and joyful world."

I understand that life isn't easy or fair, but we shouldn't give up. There is still magic on the earth. I'm still in the process of healing and forgiving myself for anything unfortunate that has happened to me. I'm working on getting over my depression. I'm trying to be less afraid of people and to converse freely. I'm learning from all of my mistakes, and I have learned that is okay to make them.

I will work hard to fulfill all of my ideals. I'm going to keep pushing.