Masculinity in Darius The Great Is Not Okay by Adib Khorram Essay Example

What is masculinity? In the dictionary, it is defined as ‘qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men’. While this has some ounce of truth to it, it is not a good definition. Masculinity isn’t a set in stone manual guide. It is an expression, it is the truth, but most importantly it is whatever you would like it to be. In Darius The Great Is Not Okay by Adib Khorram, Darius has a perception of masculinity that isn’t accurate because it is just his father. Because Darius compares himself, he doesn’t feel like he is enough.

In Darius The Great Is Not Okay, Darius looks up to and compares himself to his father. Every time Darius compares himself to someone else, his view and perception of masculinity change into a twisted, messed-up version of reality. The book is from Darius’s point of view, so we get to read and understand his thoughts and feelings. Darius thinks, “I couldn’t let Stephen Kellner see me cry” (Khorram 282). Darius admires his father and doesn’t want him to see a more emotional and vulnerable side of him that his father doesn’t portray. Darius also thinks, “Stephen Kellner didn’t like it when I got upset. He didn’t like it when I had feelings” (Khorram 225). This also relates to how Darius is uncomfortable being himself around his father. He compares himself to Stephen Kellner and then thinks that he is not good enough because he is not necessarily like him. 

Darius gets bullied and teased a lot for being a fractional Persian, being overweight, and his name. His father doesn’t understand why Darius doesn’t just stand up to them to stop getting picked on. Darius and his father converse on this topic, “All you have to do is stand up to him” “I did. He didn’t listen” (Khorram 41). Even though Darius does try and stand up to his bullies his father doesn't understand why they don’t listen to why it is so hard for Darius. Stephen Kellner indirectly makes remarks about how Darius is the reason for his bullying, “ Maybe Dad was right. Maybe I would always be a target. Even for things I couldn’t help. Like being from America. Like having a foreskin,”. Darius tends to overthink the things that his dad has said and blames himself for getting bullied. This damages his self-image and makes him feel inadequate. 

Depression weighs down on Darius because it has altered his perception on everything, including masculinity. If someone in your family has depression you are more likely to get diagnosed with it. Darius’s father has depression and so does Darius. It is one of the few things that they have in common. When Darius was younger his father would tell him bedtime stories but suddenly stopped. His father opens up about his depression to Darius, “I’m not going to hurt myself, Dad,” Darius states, “I nearly did,” Stephen Kellner confesses (Khorram 286). If Darius and his father were women, would they be treated differently? More women are diagnosed with depression, mainly “due to social pressures, many men aren’t comfortable discussing their feelings or asking for help,” according to a Heathline article, written by Eloise Porter.

Masculinity isn’t just a word you can look in the dictionary for the definition. It is a way that men express themselves and are perceived, but that doesn’t mean it is the same for each of them. In the book Darius doesn’t understand his worth because he compares himself to his dad, whom he is not like. Masculinity is something that many people do not fully understand. Between the fight of ‘Not All Men’ and the fact that it is all women, masculinity is considered a word that is very derogatory and unnecessarily coined with a negative connotation. Not many people understand the importance of knowing your worth and self-value because of getting turned down for acting ‘too feminine’. When society gets to the point that a man can look into a mirror without the glass fogging with people’s judgment, people like Darius might not see the real them because of their own sself-doubt.

Works Cited

Porter, Eloise. “9 Depression Myths.” Healthline, Healthline Media, 22 Nov. 2017, https://www.healthline.com/health/9-myths-depression#the-facts.