Personal Narrative Essay: Depression In My Life

Imagine a steaming pot of tea and a teacup ready to fill. While pouring the tea, there is always a particular angle, or tipping point, the pot must reach for the water to come flowing out. You must be cautious when you reach the tipping point. Afterall, water can gush out and overflow the delicate cup quickly. In the past 18 months, I believe many people – including myself –  experienced a tipping point of some sort, though ours didn’t involve tea. The loneliness, fear, and exhaustion I felt during the Covid-19 quarantine accumulated until I reached my tipping point. July 7th, 2021, my first night of sleepaway camp and the day where I had my first anxiety attack in months. This was both an end and a beginning. 

When you are suddenly and thoroughly immersed in a new environment it provides an incredible opportunity. Summer camp gave me an opportunity I will never forget because of the way it changed my perspective and knowledge of mental illness. At my first sleepaway camp I met an amazing group of friends almost immediately. They were my first introduction to mental illness that summer. As we grew closer I listened to their stories of anxiety, depression and even eating disorders and found myself confused why I could understand and relate to some of them. I had never considered that I could be anything other than healthy because my doctors and parents had always told me I was “so strong and healthy”. But slowly I started to realize what I had been feeling and experiencing during Covid-19 could be reflected in others stories of depression and anxiety. It didn’t matter that I had always been told I was healthy: your physical and mental health can change. 

During the two week interval between my first and second camp I researched mental illness. Since I identify with the lGHBTQ+ community I read studies on the correlations between teenagers, the LGBTQ+ community, and mental illness. I also explored more about the symptoms of anxiety and depression. I learned that LGBTQ+ people and youth are much more likely than cisgendered youth to exhibit symptoms of depression, anxiety or both. I also discovered that I had the most in common with dysthymia mild anxiety. Dysthymia being a milder but long-lasting form of depression. It's also known as persistent depressive disorder. With this new knowledge I entered my second camp more confident and made friends with people who had similar mental health struggles. Ultimately I became an active participant in conversations about the struggles and issues we observed within our society revolving around mental illness. 

Throughout the summer's debates and conversations, I discovered one common issue that I believe needs to be addressed. A lot has changed since our parents' generations. But there is still a large gap in where we need to be because when people do choose to disclose their mental illness they are often shamed, pitied, and misunderstood. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately two-thirds of people with a mental disorder go untreated. I think the negative reactions of others continues to be one of the main reasons why people are afraid to come forward with their struggles and therefore go undiagnosed. 

Often our response to mental illness is a huge problem. One example is when my friend Ku told their parents about their depression. The response they received demonstrated the stigma surrounding mental disorders in our society. Their parents said, “They just looked at me like I was crazy and then my mum told me I was imagining it all. I was imagining my depression.” Any parent invalidating their child or teenagers feelings after they worked up the courage to share can be very damaging. It can hold them back from telling anyone else for years, maybe even their whole life because they are scared no one will believe them. I had a similar experience with my father, when I came forward with my eating disorder. I was told that I was faking it because I wanted to fit in with my friends from camp who also struggled. It then took me a year and a half after that to tell my doctor about my eating disorder and receive a diagnosis. ​​These are just a few stories of the countless hurtful assumptions and sayings of parents, society and friends when someone discloses their mental illness. Dr Gro Harlem Brundtland, the late Director-General of WHO (World Health Organization) once said “Mental illness is not a personal failure. In fact, if there is failure, it is to be found in the way we have responded to people with mental and brain disorders.” With my evidence and personal experience I can say that it’s incredibly daunting to tell anyone about your mental illness but, this needs to change. 

In conclusion, with my friends and personal experiences, knowledge and research I  recognize that we need to become a more open society so that when someone reaches their tipping point, they feel comfortable sharing. The moment that pushed me to come out about my mental illness was when just one person told me what I was feeling was real. So it starts small, in our local communities, in schools and in families. Within these places, if we can start changing our reactions when people are brave enough to share their mental health struggles I believe we will create an open society where people can start getting the support they need.