Personal Narrative Essay: I Think I'm A Lesbian

That's what I told my brother 2 hours after my grandma said the d-slur at dinner. I felt like that was the best time to say it to at least one member of my family, who I knew would accept me. Feeling like you will never be accepted by your family members or people in society is a funny feeling. Funny in a way you would never want to experience, in a way that you can’t even wrap your head around the concept. Knowing that there is little to nothing you can do to change their minds since they’ve “grown up with one idea for so long and it’s too late to change.”

The night that I realized some of my family members wouldn’t accept me is etched into my brain and a memory I won't forget. I remember we were at the dinner table and the smell of lemon chicken and garlic was lingering in the air. The room was dimly lit, but the brightly colored walls made up for it. It seemed like it was going to be a peaceful evening due to the sounds of the birds and the noises of nature outside. My family and I were having a conversation about society and certain groups that are discriminated against and what people have done to try and change it. And I remember being zoned out of the conversation until I heard my grandma say a derogatory term towards lesbians. At that time I wasn’t out to my family, but I knew my parents would accept me. But the second I heard it come from her mouth the hairs on the back of my neck and my arms stood up. I quickly turned to my brother, who was looking at me with a strange face. I turned to the rest of my family, but none of them even batted an eye, and I just heard “ what the fuck” yelling in my head. 

Once my grandma said the word I was quiet the rest of dinner, and it just fizzled out into nothing. I was thinking about it the rest of the trip and I thought back to the other time when my ex-best friend said the word too. It bothered me that no one commented about it, which I’m a hypocrite for saying that, because I didn’t say anything either. I realized that I should be trying harder to change people’s perspectives even if they are 80 years old and have “set ways.” it doesn't do anything to me or the community if I sit there and do not say a word. It also made me realize how as a society how normal it is to say slurs when it should be the farthest thing from normal to just go and blurt out slurs. Seeing the people I love blatantly disrespect an entire group of people made me feel not welcomed and it made me think of everyone else who was struggling with this as well.