Reflection Essay about Soulmate

Roman Krznaric in his book How should we live, talks about the idea of love and how having a soulmate is unrealistic and a fairytale. It's becoming elusive to find someone that meets all of our emotional needs and desires, practically becoming our other half, and making us feel complete. Our desires are exaggerated by the Hollywood film industry and the vast amount of romance literature. I agree with Krznaric about the idea that soulmates are not usually found in life. And believing that you need to find yours can be elusive. People need to become more realistic and develop mutual partnerships, equal deals with some that are compatible with the qualities they can bring to a relationship

As Krznaric states, “our hopes are fed by an industry of Hollywood screen romances and an overload of pulp fiction peddling this mythology.”(12) Movies provide unrealistic standards, not everyone is willing to chase after others for the sake of love when there have been numerous red flags. They’re made-up plots by directors to illuminate what reality doesn’t portray. For example, in Vampire Diaries, Elena the main character falls for the two Salvatore brothers, she falls for Stefaan at first then Damon, but in the end, loves them equally as much. This just proves that sometimes in life you might have more than one true love, and it can be based on the fact that one person heightens your characteristics and another boosts your self-confidence. But some people still expect gold out of nothing, we set standards on who we think is attractive or what we expect out of someone without thinking about what we can offer. It’s like saying we want to become rich but don’t like working. You can’t expect to get loads of money just by doing nothing, you have to work for it. The same goes for a romantic relationship, you can’t just expect to get perfect in one try, there are layers to peel through. Relationships work when there’s a mutual compromise between two people who are willing to put in the effort to make a bond work. No one in the world is born perfect without flaws, everyone has their imperfections and it's a matter of what can I trade with someone else that creates a ‘comparative advantage’, like when a country trades goods they make lots of with another country that lacks those goods. People trade their imperfections with someone who sees them as perfection and vice versa. Relationships are transactions, trading with each other and acting as a bundle. Even if that doesn't work, we'll continue to figure out what we need and what we should avoid. “Both men and women are afraid to be rejected and returned to the well of loneliness that many of us fear if they are unable to provide their partners with a strong combination of Eros and Ludus at bedtime.” (23)

Connecting back to the previous statement, people tend to face doubt when they feel they’ve been looking for so long, this also comes from people having high standards, and this comes from idealizing romance from movies and books that have been created for entertainment purposes. However, people can make desires into reality, finding love described by movies is like winning the lottery. Few people find the romance depicted in movies or soulmates. “Understand that love has its chronology and that different types of love come and go in the process of relationships.” (26)

From a platonic point of view, what I value about friendship is the opportunity to talk about honesty, each other's lives, and respect for conflicts and disagreements. Just knowing that if one of us has a problem we can communicate that across instead of starting petty fights behind each other's back. I would like to know when something I’m bothering them or if I need to improve. Humor, having good memories where we can laugh at dumb choices or events we have witnessed together, and making fun of our past selves makes the whole friendship built upon funny moments. It gives a foundation where we can both connect. Diversity, learning about different cultures and having friends who differentiate have given me new perspectives and expanded my knowledge. I would love to engage in many cultural events and just being there to celebrate each other through different holidays gives connection and mutual understanding.

Going towards a relationship point of view, what I seek in a partner are five characteristics; trust, I want to entrust the promises and decisions they make. If I’m always afraid of uncertainty in our relationship, then what’s the point of being with someone that I have to worry about if I’ll lose everything I have worked hard for. I want to be able to rely on them when in trouble and trust their instinct to make the right choices. Communication, I want to be able to talk openly with my partner and to be able to receive honest feedback, practically I want someone who would invest their time in securing a life with me that they envision being lifelong. Someone who wishes to see the other achieve greatness and to support each other when going through tough times. Emotional support, I want someone who isn’t afraid to cry in front of me, someone who would be affectionate. Humor, someone who I can laugh with when we do something dumb or when I fall. Someone who would enjoy making fun of ourselves in awkward situations. Lastly, defensively, having the ability to defend each other against those who doubt ourselves, I would expect reassurance when I'm in doubt. I would stand up for him and he would do the same for me.

I envision the romance I deserve is having private dinners where there’s no one around on a beach talking about stories we have about each other and just being in a moment of ‘nothing but you matters now’. I don’t care for luxury or how much money they spend on me, I care for the conversations we have and the memories we hold. This is where Krznaric leads towards, we have to find the simple things in life to cherish being shared with someone we see building a bond with and can’t always expect a ‘package deal’ of our desire in a person. We need to realize that a single person can make us happy, the responsibility is shared among friends, family, and other people we meet in life. We have to focus not just on the intimate parts but the spiritual aspect of love. Life is about finding someone who goes along with the plan we have for life, like a missing puzzle piece we’ve been searching for but find unexpectedly in front of us. Plus, it can’t be automatic, sometimes people don’t realize that the person in front of them could eventually become the most important later on.