Reflection Essay about Young Love and Relationships

Young love. It's a complicated thing that most people don't believe in anymore. Most, see it as puppy dog love, infatuation, and even lust and, they aren’t wrong, in some cases. If you ask young kids today you’ll hear the horror stories of how people treat each other. Boys become selfish and use people for things like their bodies or because they are bored, sometimes it's even a dare or a joke to their friends. With girls, you see that texting multiple people and leading them because it brings them enjoyment and gratification when they are called pretty and have multiple people's attention. The dating world for young kids has become one giant open relationship. To be blunt, everyone is sleeping with everyone and everyone is talking to everyone because we don’t believe in young love anymore or just love in general. We are afraid to be alone in one way or another. Others have stomped on that idea for us, so we think let's not get attached because “I don’t want to get hurt”. Even though the reality is that everyone experiences it in one way or another. It is a learning experience. But, where does that separation of,“young love”, and maturity begin? When do the games end and people grow up and go for what they want?

Growing up, my mom has told me that I will find a boy in college and we will get married, have kids, be successful, and live a good life together. I tell her I don’t want kids and I’m not worried about marrying a successful man because I don’t want to be taken care of. As Cher said, “I am a rich man”, why not be successful on your own and find someone who also wants that success? What is the point of telling people and our kids “you’ll find a man to take care of you”, it feels so old-fashioned if you think about it but no shame if you do. The ideas parents and social media put in our heads to find a rich man who will take care of you are so minimalistic in reality, why would you want to shorten your world to that, to become a housewife and take care of the kids and at such a young age. The dating world is a mess as it is already. Shouldn't I be worried about my grades in college and future career rather than meeting a man?

Now at 18, it is surprising that I have been through the wringer with boys my age and a couple of years older. I’ve fallen for phones who want nothing more than a body and are probably not going far in life but that is because my concept of self was destroyed by other boys, and I will emphasize the word boy because mature men and adults don’t treat others with games. I’ve been played, cheated on, used, and disposed of. So, I understand the idea that love is complete, excuse my language, and total bullshit. But I understand the social influence that leads to immature and corrupt boys and girls. But I’m not giving an excuse to those people who treat others as objects. In today's world, it is “cool” to be sought after by multiple people at once or have “the line up” for people who want your attention and don’t get me wrong, being chased by people is always a nice thing as it inflates our ego and makes us feel good about ourselves but it is a mindset that hurts others and potentially ourselves.  Personally, the only self-gratification that matters comes from yourself because if you don't think highly of yourself then why should others. 

In high school we see how it all works, love and the young mind. Boys are no better than girls and vice versa. Boys will parade around knowing he has multiple girls on the hook and it boosts his ego. From experience and knowing people, I’ve seen this first hand. A boy figures out how to get girls with manipulation or other tactics and takes advantage of it. He gets her and he gets what he wants and the cycle continues. He is deemed a “player”, a boy who constantly keeps his options open with no shame in moving from one to another. It is the same with girls, they feel that ego boost. It typically leads to broken hearts and trust issues for the people on the other side and the ones doing it don’t see the problem because it is so common. It's an epidemic in the high school world. 

Now, I’m not saying everyone is like that. A couple of us going through this still hold onto that hope that we will find someone without the need or want to play these games, and if you’re lucky you will. If we look on the more positive side of things, I believe that the best relationships come when you're not looking for them, and speaking from personal experience I can back this up. If we circle back to “I've been through the wringer with boys”, in those times I was looking for someone to fill that loneliness that comes from my separate issues with life and myself. None of those relationships were healthy or good for me mentally but it became a habit. A guy who wants a girlfriend but also is in control of what happens to me personally and socially was toxic. So, at the end of the last bad relationship I decided, I’m over this, I feel limited, I feel used, so I decided to exile boys from my life, as one typically does at least once in their lifetime to focus on themselves, that's when it happened. Out of pure chance or coincidence, I went out with a girl friend and she decided we should hang out with some of her friends and I was okay with it. And behold, I met a boy and I thought he was good-looking but I never expected anything because “I was done with boys”, famous last words. He didn’t seem interested but after a few conversations and consulting with others I grew to have feelings and I grew to repress them because it's not what I wanted at the time and he had a reputation. He never dated anyone, so as one would, I never thought anything would come out of it but we became closer and went on a date. And the day it happened was unexpected but I took a chance and it worked out very well, as we are still together over a year later. 

Now just because a good relationship came out of the blue doesn’t mean that it will be perfect. Our relationship is nowhere near perfect and I don't think anyone should expect one to be. There will always be things behind the scene, things we each deal with whether it's together or with ourselves. About 4 months after dating I thought we were doing pretty good but I was surprised with a breakup later one night because of personal things with him and it shattered my heart. It probably was one of the worst heartbreaks I've ever felt, which is surprising because we had only known each other for a short period. I was affected by it. We spent a couple of months apart and looking back at it I think it was a great thing for both of us. We both got that time to figure out what we wanted. That time alone was valuable and I believe it made us both better. I’m not saying we are perfect now because we still struggle with things but that is normal. I can say though personally, that time apart let me understand myself better. I found enjoyment in my own company and I constantly did things alone. There were moments where I missed that company but in the loss of one company I learned to love my own. 

Being alone is a scary thing for most. No one wants to be alone or feel lonely, it's a terrible feeling. I believe learning to love and enjoy your own company is the most enlightening thing. The thought is scarier than the action. There is a difference between being alone and lonely. You can be alone but comfortable with it. I think this is what mainly makes people treat others like objects and toys, the fear of being lonely or not being able to enjoy their own company. Sometimes it drives people to jump into things before they are ready. For example when people talk about rebounding, what is the point, of not being lonely? To have company to repress heartbreak? The heartbreak will be there when it's over. It becomes a habit to most at the end of the day. I see it all the time with young people, they go from one relationship to another in a matter of days. The experience of being alone is a personal growth experience, not something to fear.