Reflection Essay Sample: The Confidence Code for Girls

Confidence is believing in yourself and your abilities, learning to try something new, taking risks along the way, and maybe even failing, but always having the drive to do your best. Confidence gives you that push to be yourself no matter what. It helps you navigate your strengths, makes you get out of your comfort zone, and takes your thoughts, combines them with confidence, and turns them into actions. Confidence is very important because it pushes you to try new things that might make you uncomfortable at first, but it helps you conquer your fears, take risks, and extends your mindset to grow and learn. The two most important factors of confidence are learning how to take risks and knowing how to avoid perfectionism.

Perfectionism is about feeling and or the need to be perfect all the time. Whatever you do has to result in perfection. But the reality is, you can’t be perfect all the time, nobody can. Making a goal of achieving perfection is unrealistic and unachievable. Don’t let yourself feel in your mind that you have to be perfect to achieve success because, as The Confidence Code says, “You're working for the wrong reasons. (pg. 200)” and “Trying to be perfect is an impossible standard. (pg. 200)” 

In The Confidence Code for Girls, several strategies are suggested to help in this regard. A strategy to avoid perfectionism that I find very beneficial is to change the finishing line. Change it to something more achievable and realistic. It helps you to not focus on being perfect all the time. As The Confidence Code says, “If the goal is ONLY to be perfect or achieve perfection, swap it out. (pg. 203)” For example, one time I was told there was a science test coming up the day after I had been told,  it had 10 sections of content that we had been reviewing for a while. I was pushing myself and putting pressure on myself to be perfect, and so were my parents. Even though I felt I understood the content, I was doubting myself and stayed up all night studying and trying to make sure I was ready to do it perfectly. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to work and I knew that I couldn't get it to be perfect because there was no such thing. Now that I look back, I should have been more organized instead. I now know that studying up all night trying to be perfect for the day of the test doesn't work. It would make me exhausted and I wouldn't stand a chance. Clearly, I set the bar too high. Even if I did get a good night's rest, aiming to be perfect doesn't always happen. Sometimes I can make unrealistic goals that I know are unrealistic but still try to meet them because when I do it feels so good. From this experience which is one of many, I have learned to alter the finishing line to help align with my abilities over time. 

I should have stopped putting so much pressure on myself and should have altered the goal to instead of aiming for an 8, to try and aim for my best instead. It's a much more realistic goal that doesn’t put nearly as much pressure on me as the goal of trying to be perfect did. Now, using this strategy has allowed me to believe in myself and prove to myself what I am truly capable of and how far I can get without having the idea of having to be perfect in my mind. Avoiding being perfect helps build confidence because it makes you believe in yourself and your potential. By putting an expectation of having to be perfect, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Instead, set yourself up for success by avoiding that need for perfection. You will not only build your self-esteem, but it could also help you to take more risks, believe more in yourself, and become truly confident in all your abilities.  

I will use this strategy for future assignments when I feel like I am pushing my limits too far and aiming for perfection which I know can’t be achieved.

As for Risk-taking, risk-taking is all about trying new things. Even if you don't like it at first or even if you fail at it, it's all about opening your mindset to try something you have never done before. It may seem scary but that's the learning process. In The Confidence Code for Girls, several strategies are suggested to help in this regard. A useful strategy that I found for risk-taking is to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Like The Confidence Code says, “Risk isn’t usually fun. It can be very, very uncomfortable. But you will get used to it. (pg. 43)” This is very important because taking risks is how we learn and it’s hard to experience things if we are always worried about stepping out of our comfort zone because then we can’t try new things. We have to understand that we won't like taking all risks but in the end, it creates improvement, opens new doors, and helps us achieve success in some form no matter the outcome. 

For example, a few years ago I had made up my mind that I hated avocado. My parents had it in their salad every day for dinner. I used to have the salad too but I always used to pick out the chunks of avocado in the salad because I “hated them”. They seemed in my opinion very disgusting. I'm not sure if it was the look of the texture that made me not like them. But the truth is, I had never had it before!  I just made up my mind that it looked gross and therefore I didn't like it. I wanted to try it but I also didn't want to. I thought it would be good to get it over with but I also just didn't want to try it because I was convinced that I wouldn’t like it even after trying it. Little did I know that once I actually gave it a shot, I loved it! Now I have it every day in my salad. The moral of the story is that even though taking risks isn’t always enjoyable but there's always a possibility of a positive outcome. Like The Confidence Code says, “Even though doing anything for the first time is scary, trying new things is how you keep learning about yourself and finding out what else you might like. (pg. 39)” You may discover something new that you like or something you are good at. What I learned is that I have to take risks even if they scare me, especially if they are not what I usually do. Before deciding I liked avocado, I judged a book by its cover and I didn't want to try it because it was new and different. I was nervous to step out of my comfort zone and just wanted to accept the things I did like and make up my mind about the things I hated. But that was a mistake because I loved it. I learned that if you stay in your comfort zone forever you won't be able to explore your capabilities, try new things, and maybe even find interests.  Don’t let the fear of being uncomfortable get in the way of you exploring and expanding your mindset to new or different things. I try my hardest to get out of my comfort zone as often as possible because I know a good learning experience always comes out of it. I will use this in the future when I have to try a portion of new food again, wear something weird to school on clan day, introduce myself to new people, or make a speech.

In conclusion, I believe that confidence is created through risks that you are willing to take. Taking risks shouldn’t be seen in a negative regard because a good learning experience always comes out of it, even if you fail. Confidence is part of your growth, your actions, and your mindset. It makes you who you are. Taking risks pushes yourself to stay open-minded and believe in yourself and your abilities. Goal setting, thinking positively, taking risks and failing, all lead to success and confidence. However, one thing you should always try and avoid is perfectionism. If you have perfectionistic tendencies you will find yourself unable to meet the goals you have set for yourself, having low self-esteem, always doubting yourself and it will make achieving success very hard. Worst of all, if you are a perfectionist, it stops you from taking risks. But, being a risk-taker and having a wide mindset of taking risks will help guide you on the path to success and will stop you from limiting yourself. In the future, I will continue to keep an open mind and believe in myself. I will accept that sometimes I will fail but I will assure myself that it’s okay and at least, I learned. I will try to avoid perfectionism as much as I can and I will take risks as often as possible throughout my life.