Reflection: How Do We Learn Who We Truly Are?

The question of “ How do we learn who we truly are?” can take many forms and will take time and understanding of oneself. Hi, my name is Reese Holt. That was the name given to me by my parents on the day I was born in 2005. My dream college is to go to Baylor because that was for my mom and most of her family. My dad is the soccer coach here at Wakeland. Do these facts reflect my true identity though?

I don't know my true self. I can be different around different people and held to different expectations. When I am around my parents I am usually acting more sophisticated, but when I'm around my peers I act in a way crazy. Maybe I can find myself in the middle that way both sides can see who I truly am. If only there is a way that I could show myself 2 both groups without having to hide or put down a certain characteristic that I obtain. I think that I am a happy medium between the two groups when joined together because I can show that I am fun, kind, nice, and maybe a little crazy.

My mom and dad met at high school their sophomore year when my mom moved from Hallsville to Sulphur Springs. After High School, my mom went to Baylor and my dad went to the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor. The universities only about 30 minutes away from each other. They were both trying to be teachers. My dad played soccer at UMHB so my mom would go and watch him on the weekends as often as she could. After college, they got married, and then two years later they had me. I hope to go to Baylor. It has been my dream college since I can remember. If I go to Baylor and then I will be the fourth generation to go in my family. My mom, Aunt, Grandma, great-grandma, and Great Grandpa, and great-uncle all went to Baylor. In fact, one of my cousins is named Baylor! I feel like Baylor is a second home to me because we tried to catch a football game at least once or twice every year. In the past 10 years, we have gone to most of the Baylor bowl games that they have made it to. One year we even got on a plane and flew to Phoenix Arizona for a day to watch the Baylor football team play. Unfortunately, they lost that game. While both of my parents are teachers I would like to one day become a pharmacist or an engineer. Sometimes I don’t think that I can even go to Baylor because it is very expensive and I don't know if the jobs that I am trying to pursue will be offered at Baylor at the highest level given. In a way, I  feel like I have to go to Baylor because my whole room is Baylor, and I wear Baylor clothes almost every single day so all of that money will just be a waste. My parents support my dream of becoming an engineer or pharmacist so I do not want to let them down, but there is still a lot of time to decide on what I would like to become. I still have three more years. In a way, it almost seems like I have to become a teacher because all of my mom's side of the family has worked in some form of Education whether that was for my aunt all the way up to my great-grandparents. One of the books I read this year was The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Reading the book I found out that if you put effort and work into what you would like to accomplish you can do anything which can be seen by Cornilous putting his mind to letting his tribute finish well and live the happiest life that she could. Even though our world is completely different from the book it can still be related that if you have self-determination and grit then you can accomplish what you put your mind to. With that in mind, I feel like if I am determined to be a pharmacist or engineer then I can achieve my goal.

One thing that I am not sure about is if I should confront my dad about my plan on playing soccer in high school. I don't know if soccer is for me. I know that most people find it very fun to play, but for me, it always feels forced because my dad has been the coach wherever we have lived. I began playing soccer at the age of only three. If I  change my mind about soccer then almost thirteen years of my Saturdays have gone down the drain. I don't know what I should do. Luckily I have cross country. I'm okay at it but running helps me because when running I go into a different state of mind where I am happy and can truly be myself around the other runners. Over the past year, I have made so many friends through running and soccer. while soccer is okay running is more fun and engaging for me and brings me happiness. 

One thing that I talked about often with my parents and other family members is my faith in Jesus.  I feel like I can always go to my grandpa because he is spiritually sound in what he knows about the Bible and what it says. Through the years I was always brought up in church and was told right from wrong. Although sometimes I didn't know why something was right or wrong, I just went with the flow. Luckily I had my family members there to talk me through why something is right or wrong. In the summer between third and fourth grade, I was baptized at my old church by my youth director. This was a very pivotal moment in my life and has forever changed me and shaped me into the person I have become today. My faith in Jesus and God has led me to become the person that I am today for the better. Now that I have moved here I have gotten connected with hep FCA and Klife which has helped me enhance my faith and knowledge of who God is and help me to find my identity. 

How do I know who I truly am? I haven’t fully developed an idea of myself yet, but I feel like I am learning more and more every day. I know that being exposed to different environments has exposed me to so many different possibilities and ideas that I would never have had if not given the opportunity. With every new environment, I grow more and gain more knowledge about myself. Over the years I will gain more knowledge about myself, but for now, I am still growing and finding out about my true self.