Reflective Essay about Empathy

The time we spend alone in college is seldom. This past year, I can’t even remember the last time I did laundry by myself, let alone eat a meal at the pit without a friend. If I could guess, I would estimate that I probably only spend a cumulative two and half by myself each day, excluding sleeping of course. Although I love hanging out with my friends, spending countless hours with them does have its downsides. For those who live with a roommate, or five other suitemates like me, you can’t help but get annoyed at the people you live with, even though they may be your best friends. Whether it’s trying to squeeze in a nap before your 2 pm class only to be woken up 10 minutes later to the sound of Drake's new album blaring from the common room. Or having to use the bathroom all the way down in the main lobby because all the other restrooms in the suite were occupied, we continuously feel the presence of our peers each day.

I have come to realize something though. Since this is the stage of our lives where we spend the most time around our friends and peers, we are constantly working to strengthen our relationships and better understand one another. So, I believe that the most important tool for any college student is empathy. Now, before I go on, I think that there is an important distinction to make between empathy and sympathy. Although they both sound similar, and may easily be mistaken for one another, they are fundamentally different and both lead to separate results. Sympathy is understanding the experiences of others from your own perspective. For example, imagine one of your friends is constantly stressed and complaining about upcoming assignments, which I bet they do.  A sympathetic response could look something like saying “That sucks for you”. Empathy on the other hand, is the ability to place yourself in the shoes of others, and to feel with them. To truly understand what they are going through, and better comprehend why they are acting in the way that they are. Bréne Brown explained this perfectly in her video for RSA shorts. In the video she says that “Empathy fuels connection, while sympathy drives disconnections.” Now, you might be asking, “How would sympathy drive disconnection, if it is usually considered a kind gesture?” The issue with sympathy is that it disposes us to judge the individual, rather than relate to them. In the example that I previously mentioned about a friend who is complaining about an upcoming assignment, by only sympathizing with them, you could potentially also judge them on the fact that they did not complete their work beforehand, rather than understanding that we have all been in that situation before and that this predicament could have been caused by issues out of their control. 

When I started learning more about empathy, I did not at first fully understand how an individual could always be able to put themselves in the shoes of someone else if they hadn’t experienced the same type of suffering as that person. To better understand this, I reflected on the time when my brother tore his ACL right before the soccer season of his junior year. Before this happened, he had done his time on JV, and was finally competing for the starting spot as a goalkeeper. And, from the looks of it, it was safe to say that he was going to win the spot. After this tragic incident, he was bedridden for a month recovering from the surgery, as well as recovering from mono, which we suspected that he got it in the hospital. In total, he missed two thirds of his first semester of junior year, a crucial time of high school for college admissions, as many of you probably know. When I speak to my brother now about this injury, he tells me that it was one of the toughest periods of his life. Stuck on the couch, his right knee in excruciating pain, fatigued and ill from mono, he explained that in this moment he was desperate. Feeling as if he had no control of the future, unsure if he would ever again be able to play the sport that he loved, and had no clue how his time away from school was going to affect his chances at getting into college. And, as a middle schooler, I had never been in a situation like this. One where I had torn an ACL before a sports season, or had to worry about something as stressful and important as being accepted to college. But, I was still able to empathize with my brother. Although I hadn’t suffered to the same extent as him, I had experienced the anxiety of believing that you had no control of the future. I had experienced disappointment, and the pain of loss opportunities. I was able to put myself in his shoes, understand his pain and respond in the way that he needed me too. So, that is why I believe that we all have the ability to empathize with one another. We are all human. We have all suffered in our own ways and have felt these emotions such as despair, anxiety and anger. Also, what I do remember is that when I was there for my brother during this time, and when I was able to empathize with him, our relationship was strengthened. My brother is seven years older than me, and although I loved him we were never very close, but after spending time with him during his recovery, I considered him one of my best friends.

Now, I have learned something important from this course. I learned that empathy is a foundation for so many other important virtues that make us better people and strengthen our relationships with our peers. If we begin to empathize with one another, it can drive us to be generous, and most importantly generous for the right reasons. By understanding the perspective of others, it enables us to truly be kind to each other in the right way. And that is why empathy is the most important tool for us as college students. College is so much more than just studying and getting good grades. It is where we learn to build, manage and work on our relationships with our peers. Because, whether we like it or not, we are stuck with them for the remainder of our time at this campus.

I think we can all agree that college flies by fast. One moment you are walking into your first day of FYS as a freshman, and the next thing you know, you are waiting to hear your name get called onto stage for a diploma.  I hope that in that moment when you are reflecting back on the past four years, you think about all the wonderful relationships that you made, and are proud that you were there for your friends when it meant the most. That you were able to empathize with them, understand their point of view, because if you were there for them, odds are they are going to be there for you in your darkest moment. Empathizing with each other will not only make our personal relationships better, but will also make this campus a friendlier, and more supportive environment. So, when you head out into the world after graduation, I hope you will take this ability to empathize, and do something that can truly make our society a better place. Because our world needs empathy more than ever. Our country has been extremely divided these past couple years, politically, socially, and economically. If we all just made an effort to empathize, to put ourselves in the shoes of others to understand their perspective and not judge one another for who they voted for in the last election, not judge one another off the choices they during their toughest moment, then I believe that we can start to bridge that divide and be the United States of America. Because, empathy is truly pro-humanitate.