Reflective Essay about Love
The dictionary defines love as “an intense feeling of deep affection.” This definition doesn’t even begin to describe love as a whole, maybe as a word, but not as the feeling. Love is one of the most complexing words in history, as no true definition can be said of it. Sure, this is a baseline for the word, but it doesn’t encompass everything behind the word, the experiences, feelings, the heartbreak, the euphoria, any of it. Love is like a journey, full of ups and downs, pure bliss and brokenness, the calamity and the calm, and above all, the byproducts of the journey. Many have tried to break love down to a science, but it just can’t be done to the extent needed. One example is Robert J. Sternberg, who created the three components of love, and the different types that resulted in them. Unfortunately, like the dictionary definition, it just can’t adequately be described. Love is one of the most universal feelings in the world. It is inclusive, has no boundaries, and sometimes it isn’t for everyone. Love is indescribable, wondrous, and full of emotion.
“Loving is a journey with water and with stars, with smothered air and abrupt storms of flour: loving is a clash of lightning-bolts and two bodies defeated by a single drop of honey” (Pablo Neruda). This quote is straight out of the book Pablo Neruda: Five Decades, a Selection (poems, 1925-1970). It includes the simile of how love is like a journey, as said in the introduction. It has the ups and downs, the passion and intimacy, one “single drop of honey” had intertwined two peoples bodies and souls. Love is the journey, not the destination. We cannot pursue happiness, rather let it ensue. Love is the byproduct of the journey, something that happens naturally. Love has the sunshine and the thunderstorms, the summer and winter, and the water and fire. In order to have love, you must endure the downs that are a result of the journey. Now this is not saying love is all bad, rather it is just part of it. It cannot be all sunshine and rainbows, or it would be a children's book. Let it occur, you simply cannot force a love that isn’t meant to be.
Can love be broken down into a science? Robert J. Sternberg believes so. Born in 1949, Sternberg is a renowned psychologist, and is the author of The Triangle Of Love, a book talking about the three main components of love. Those three components are intimacy, passion and commitment. There are six types of love that result from one of these three missing, as shown in the diagram to the left. An example of one of the types is infatuation. “Infatuation consists of an immediate, intense physical attraction to someone. A person who is infatuated finds it hard to think of anything but the other person. Brief encounters are played over and over in one’s head; it may be difficult to eat and there may be a rather constant state of arousal. Infatuation is rather short-lived, lasting perhaps only a matter of months or as long as a year or so. It tends to be based on chemical attraction and an image of what one thinks the other is all about.” (Lumen Learning). This is a great starting point to begin understanding how love can be so different from one person to the next, but it simply cannot be broken down into a science because of how different everyone experiences love, and not all love sticks to these rules.
Love is an amazing thing, from the time we are born to the time we die, we are experiencing love in one way or another. Something not mentioned in the above paragraph is platonic love. Platonic love involves deep affection, but no romantic or sexual attraction. This includes love between friends, family members, close members of a group, etc. The first time I remember feeling love was in second grade, as I don't remember much before that. I was in my parents bed, and I was getting tickled by my parents. I look back now and realize I was so loved in that moment. This goes to show that love isn’t just romantic, rather it includes all types. Romantic love is also not for everybody. Some people don’t feel sexual feelings, like asexual people. Some people don't experience sexual or romantic feelings, like aromantic people.
Love knows no boundaries. It can engulf someone in the snap of their fingers, wrap them up in just a second. It could be love at first sight or it can develop over some time, and both are okay. Love has no rules. No expectations. Gay, straight, polyamory, all of it is okay. Love saves. It reminds people that they have so much to live for, the people who love them, the people they love, everything about love. Love wins. Love can conquer anything, it overcomes differences and brings people together. Love is amazing.
Love may have its downs, and it may be hard for someone to remind themselves that it always comes back to the ups. It always gets better. If we truly love someone we can remind ourselves of all the great times we had together, and we will see that the downs are nothing compared to the ups. Love hurts. It hurts to see someone we love go, move on, just not be around in general. Whether it's someone passing away or a breakup, someone's entire world could feel like it's crashing down. They just have to remind themselves that they will be okay, maybe not at that moment but it will be okay. Some days will be harder than others, but that's part of a heartbreak.
Whether it’s romantic love, infatuation or platonic love, it is still wondrous. And even though the dictionary definition doesn’t truly give an adequate definition, there are plenty of other, more abstract definitions, such as the one above, that can at least begin to define it in a better light. The dictionary definition doesn’t include the feelings of love, the types of love, and much more. As Neruda said, love is like a journey with the ups and downs, with the water and stars. Love isn’t all highs and euphorias, it's the low moments, the pain, and overall the suffering associated with love. These could be heartbreak, death, a move, etc. Love is not all bad, and the good severely outweighs the bad. As Sternberg has defined the types of love, it is true that love cannot be broken down into a science. There is no one way to love, and Sternberg's triangle of love tries to form love into a couple different types, which doesn’t work for everyone. Love wins. No matter what type of love it is, it can overcome anything. Love knows no boundaries. It can engulf someone so fast that they don’t know what hit them. Overall, love is a relationship with mutual respect and understanding. As Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Love brings so many strengths with it, we just have to be open to accepting it with open arms, let it in, let it engulf us. Let the joy and sorrow happen, let the vulnerability come. It's an amazing thing, love is.
