Reflective Essay on Bowlby's Attachment Theory

📌Category: Life, Myself, Psychologist, Psychology
📌Words: 1272
📌Pages: 5
📌Published: 08 June 2022

The emotional connection between a caregiver and an infant has a major effect on the future of a child. The Attachment Theory experiment that was conducted by John Bowlby explains how an infant is attached to a parent by the way they respond when they leave and return. The attachment helps demonstrate how the caregiver is taking care of the infant. The early years of development are the most critical in this type of development. Four types of attachments can develop in an infant over time. These include secure attachment, anxious-avoidant, anxious-resistant, and disorganized. Secure attachment is the most likely attachment style in the United States. The reaction to a parent leaving deferrers, they will either cry or stay calm. However, when the caregiver returns, they react with them and calm down. In relationships with others, secure attachment children feel like they deserve to be loved and are generally positive. Anxious-avoidant attachment infants don’t react when their caregivers leave and don’t react when they return. They have a hard time in relationships with others because they don’t connect well. Anxious-resistant is very upset when a caregiver leaves and mad when they return. In relationships with others, they want to be close but put in a bunch of effort to form relationships because they have a fear of being left. Lastly, disorganized infants randomly cry and are disoriented when the caregiver returns. They have many insecurities which make relationships hard. Attachment styles can change over time however, it is a difficult task. If the right amount of effort goes into changing the attachment style it is possible.

I was lucky enough to grow up with two loving parents. I have noticed that my attachment to them has affected my life now and I am sure it will in the future. I believe that when I was little, I had a secure attachment to both, and it has stayed that way throughout my childhood. My parents raised me to be independent so as I got older, I was ready to leave the nest when it was the time. However, I have noticed that I have a different relationship with each parent. My mom and I are best friends. It has always been like that growing up and now. I tell her everything, she’s the person that I tell my exciting news to and the person that helps me when times are tough. Even though we have a good relationship we also know boundaries. We can stay close while I am at college living my life, I don’t rely on her which I believe is a healthy relationship. My dad and I have a different relationship. He loves me and would do anything for me, but we don’t call and talk or catch each other up in life. I don’t know why this is because it’s not like we have a bad relationship. I think it could be because I have three brothers that he is closer with. They have been able to bond over sports that they both play, and my dad was their coach. In a way it makes me a little sad, but as I’ve gotten older that’s just how our relationship developed. When I was younger, we were closer, but as the boys got older that all changed. My secure attachment develops because of the love I felt from my parents. There hasn’t ever been a time when I didn’t feel like they were there for me. I have always had their support and trust in what I do. I was given what I needed even when money was slim, and they never complained about our life. My home was always a place I wanted to go back to because it was a safe place.

I do think that my attachment to my parents plays a role in my relationships now. I think my attachment to my mom has played more in my relationships because she’s the person I am closest with. Once I am in a relationship, I become close quickly and develop trust. I put a lot of effort into relationships and try to make them as strong as I can. I am always very committed to the person. I'm a strong believer that what you put into a relationship is what you receive. I have had some good relationships in my life that I have been able to learn and grow from. However, some aspects of my relationship life don’t go with my secure attachment. I am severely afraid of rejection, so I normally go through a stage before I am official with someone where I push them away. I have noticed that I tend to reject people before others can reject me.That way I don’t have to go through the heartbreak. I also tend to pick guys that don’t have the greatest qualities. All of this doesn’t go with the secure attachment, so I am not for sure where it comes from. In friendships, I have a hard time trusting people I don’t normally open up about certain aspects of my life. I only have a couple of close friends that I have gained over the past several years. I am always scared that people are not being genuine and that they are fake. These are all things that I am trying to work on and have been getting better at but still struggle with within my life. I know that they come from my insecurities that I need to work on.

I am satisfied with how I behave in close relationships. Most of my issues with developing relationships are in the beginning, but once I’m in I am fine. In my relationships, I tend to put the other person before me. Even when I am going through hard times I try to be there for the other person as much as I can because that is always important. Each person should feel like an equal and should know that they are an important part of the relationship. I keep healthy boundaries with the other person and know when they need to have space. I am good with communication which neither of my parents is good with, so I think I realized how much communication helps relationships in all aspects. However, saying all of this I know I am not perfect by any means, and I have for sure made mistakes in relationships. Have learned a lot about myself and learned from the mistakes I have made. In the future, I want to work on trusting people in the beginning more. Pushing people away, in the beginning, isn’t helpful to anyone. It doesn’t help me build close relationships and it can hurt both people in the end. Along with the trust is the rejecting people before they can reject me. I’m sure I have missed some great opportunities with people because of this. Knowing I have these issues is how I fix the issues. Being aware of how I can act is how I can look out for them. I always double-check my actions and make sure I am not overeating in situations. I have already started to see progress in my life and want to continue to do better in the future.

Attachment theory has been one of my favorite topics during the duration of this class. I have noticed how it is a huge factor and explains why people are the way they are. It has helped me better understand some of the people in my life and why they act the way they act. People’s past has a role in how they act now, and I think it’s good to better understand people. It helps build empathy for that person. I have also liked learning about my issues and why I have them. Even though I have great relationships with my parents I have developed some issues because of my grandparents and how they treated me. I have learned to have sympathy and forgive people because it’s not always their fault they are the way they are. We all have things that we need to work on in relationships and It’s important to know how we can grow to be better.

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