Reflective Essay on Narcissism

Narcissism is a word that has been repeatedly thrown my way by my mother, friends, grandparents, and uncle. In recent years, I’ve went through the phases of having the close father daughter bond slowly to only being in contact with one another due to a higher power’s decision, the court. A wide array of emotions from anger and resentment to feeling abandoned and lost is consequently due to the dreading long years of my childhood spent locked away in my room from the one and only person who is supposed to love you unconditionally. I felt curious as to how one’s life could go from sunshine and rainbows to long nights and therapy sessions. The least expected reason someone could guess is the result of having a narcissistic parent. My father has shown signs of being a narcissist and my therapists have educated and tried to explain to me why some people treat others especially their kids the way they do. I wanted to learn more about what narcissism even is and why narcissists treat others they way they do especially their children and how it could affect those children like me. This research could also insight others and maybe bring into light the effects the emotional abuse has forced onto them and how they could overcome it. 

Narcissism is one of the many types of personality disorders. People with narcissistic personality disorder tend to have an inflated sense of self importance putting themselves on a higher pedestal than those around them. These typically vain people don’t consider other feelings or concerns always making themselves the center of attention and victimizing themselves any chance they get. They lack empathy and are very easily triggered to burst into anger when faced with even the slightest bit of shame or blow to their ego. There are four types of narcissism, overt, covert, communal, antagonistic, and malignant. 

Relationships between parent and child are the foundation for all other types of relationships children will face as they progress through life. Parents teach their children how they are to love and treat others along with how to be loved and treated. A strained or toxic relationships between a parent and child can cause severe consequences for these children down the line of adulthood. Distorted family relationships can not only affect relationships with others but also cause self esteem issues, no career motivation, and could possibly lead to the children gaining the same traits and mental disorders as well. “One issue which appears to obfuscate clear definitions of narcissism relates to whether narcissism is the result of what’s stemmed developmental trauma or narcissism is pathological in nature.” (Source 2). Narcissism in a person can be caused by being neglected or abused in the same way as when they were a child and have adopted the same traits causing this cycle of behavior that will be passed on to further generations. Narcissism can also stem from illness and uncontrollable actions and behaviors not due to any past trauma. “Children with parents in three psychiatric groups (categorized as “psychotic”, “affective disorders” and “personality disorders”) were more likely to be exposed to anxious/depressive behaviors than controls.” (Source 3). These children being faced with narcissistic parents look up to them as role models in life and are being molded to develop the same damaging traits that can later negatively affect them in life and compromise their abilities to thrive and become successful whether it is in a career or own personal life goals. 

Children look for their parents in other people they find to form platonic and romantic relationships with. “A parent who is narcissistic will be affectively unavailable to his or her child and may inhibit the development of vital human capacities in adolescents such as high self-esteem...(children of narcissists) may display heightened empathic skills which may actually be hypervigilance or a heightened protective stance that masquerades as empathy” (Source 1). Being neglected by a parent makes a child feel unwanted or not needed in the world resulting in self-esteem issues of feeling worthless and alone. The children will exert more and more energy and empathy towards other to try to attract them because they may feel they do not try enough to form relationships and will overcompensate to get the attention from others. “The individual is “dominated by the feelings of those around them; fearful and emotionally needy, they sacrifice their individuality in order to ensure acceptance from others” (Source 4). The children will begin to lose their own self worth and degrade themselves for the praise and attention of others to feel that love and nurture they do not receive from their parents. They also may tend to warp their personalities and interests to match others to “fit in” and be part of a community and feel that connection they lack when in reality they don’t truly have the same interests.