Reflective Essay on Personal Growth

Personal growth is a constantly ongoing process that we have been experiencing for years. It's like character development on how we slowly change for the better or for worse. I had been described as "a grown-up in a child's body" as a kid. I was a bit mature and observant of the people around me and how they reacted to the point that I tiptoe in almost everything, which is not a typical child's behavior. Most children tend to be reckless, outgoing and they basically have their own world, but I don't. I didn't know what it implied back then, but I now understand why I acted that way. Although I excelled in school and most teachers commended me, I was still introverted, and I grew up with a fragile dose of self-confidence. I'm a teenager, and still, I create awkward situations just because I don't know what to say to prolong a conversation. This behavior was still present until it came to the point that I was afraid of opening a dialogue and looking people in the eyes. The concept of personal growth is tricky for me to notice about it in myself. Personally, I don't think I have grown much aside from learning how to treat myself compassionately, having the courage to raise questions, being open to change, multiple opinions and perspectives while not invalidating my own values and stand. 

I'm a passive type of person, and I don't like that. I don't like not doing anything even if I think something wrong needs to be fixed. I don't enjoy watching someone struggle while I just stand there even though I can offer help. I don't like saying the wrong things by beating around the bush trying to figure out how to tell the thoughts I really meant. If there are things that I wish to improve, I want to be wise and outspoken, where I'll have the courage to offer help, and I can protect myself or anyone in unfortunate situations. 

I want to speak and stand up without having doubts, without crumbling in fear and getting eaten up by my anxiety. Standing up to what I believe is right is very difficult and crucial for me, just like this one situation on a social media platform that happened to me. I'm thrilled now that most teens are participating in political discussions, and one of my acquaintances proudly said on Facebook that she's a DDS and a proud Marcos apologist. She also highlighted that although the Marcoses stole a lot of money from the people, they built many infrastructures. I read her post repeatedly to understand her point or whether she was just telling a joke because memes and satire political posts are everywhere.  I was once a Marcos apologist, but once I knew the truth about how people suffered during that regime, I immediately changed my stand--that's a character development right there. It took me at most 30 long minutes before I replied. I really understood where she was coming from; that's why I just encouraged her to read factual publications from legitimate sources. I also told her that being a DDS and a Marcos apologist is not a thing to be proud of. While my heart was constantly beating fast and my mind was still debating if I'd send it or not, I typed at least a hundred words for that to approach her in the nicest words I could think of to not act rudely on her end. That moment was pivotal for me, and I think that was the "me" starting to stand up for what I believe. Still, I genuinely respect her opinions because I became like that because inadequate information was thrown at me, and I just accepted it without fact-checking. Furthermore, I also understand that she's still not ready for that kind of conversation. Nevertheless, I genuinely believe that I am slowly shaping to be the kind of person I aspire to be.

There was no specific perfect example of a person that I look up to, and I guess I just have to live the thought that the ideal self I wish to aspire to is a more confident, active and wiser version of me while having the qualities of a strong woman. Aside from that, I yearn to achieve ikigai, a Japanese concept that means your 'reason for being.' I'll find that life purpose and bliss that will give me joy and will inspire me to seize life everyday. On the other hand, the western interpretation views ikigai as a method of finding one's dream career. Reaching ikigai would also mean I'll have a career that I love, a job that I'm good at, I can be paid for it, and it is what the world needs.