Reflective Essay Sample about Divorce

Two parents and two houses all with one thing in common, unconditional love for their children. My parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, although I wasn’t super young it was still a crucial time in my development. Although life was changing for me in a major way, it never affected how good of parents they were. A good parent is someone who puts their child first no matter what and shows them how much they love them. Contrary to common belief, parenting in two separate houses does not have to affect the quality of parenting and the success of the child. Many programs and services exist to help children with the physiological effects of divorce.

Separated parenting, also known as co-parenting, shouldn’t have to affect the quality of parenting if you really put your children first. From personal experience, divorce is very hard on children initially and throughout their lives. When my parents got divorced I immediately felt like the world was ending, in my dramatic eleven-year-old brain. This is a very natural response to the news that your life is going to change majorly. My parents handled their separation excellently by staying friends with each other and having good communication for the benefit of me and my older sister. For example, my parents both always come to support me at my dance competitions. They coexist very nicely at these events and have fun with the same group of friends, that are also dance parents, while there without any awkwardness. I appreciate this more than they know because it means a lot that they’re always there to support me and put their differences aside for my benefit. Parenting style isn’t everything when it comes to the success of a child, genes and family history have a lot more to do with how a child turns out. A piece of evidence from Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner’s book, Freakonomics,  states that genes are responsible for about fifty percent of how a child acts and succeeds( Levitt and Dubner 154). This is intriguing because it leaves us to think about how much the actions of a parent with their child really matter against the unchangeable genes. It also indicates that in fact, children with divorced parents aren’t at any specific disadvantage because s much of their success is already determined by their genes. No matter how well you try to adjust your children, there will always be psychological effects of divorce even if it doesn’t affect your child’s performance in daily activities.

Everyone’s situation and reaction to divorce are different, which is why the severity of psychological effects it can have on children varies. Most of the mental effects of parental separation stem from the fear of abandonment and guilt. In Dr. Brodkins Article, When Parents Separate, she uses a real-life example of Chloe and her parents. Chloe’s dad packed his stuff and left with no further explanation to her. This left Chloe’s mom in shambles of what to tell her. Immediately Chloe’s behavior took a turn for the worst. She clung to her mom at school drop-off and clung to her teacher once in the school. After further analysis of this situation, Dr. Brodkin came to the conclusion that Chloe was suffering from extreme abandonment issues. She was scared that her mom and teacher could leave her just as easily as her dad did(Brodkin 31). What do to in this situation is extremely challenging and is a very hard decision for parents to make. Personally, my parent’s divorce did not affect my school performance however, I was extremely bitter and sad. My parents handled the divorce in the best way they could with me, but it still left me with psychological bitterness. It took a few years for my parents to finally take action with this and get me the help I needed. After talking it out on a weekly basis with a trained professional there were clear improvements in my attitude and happiness. Strong evidence that agrees with my personal experience is demonstrated in Debra A. Dunstans article, Supporting Children’s Wellbeing. This article gives further information into how beneficial post-parent separation programs are for children of any age. For example, the PSCP program has results that state after one month of their program bitterness between parents goes down and the parent-children relationships improve(Dunstan 130). This statistic demonstrates how it is beneficial to seek help for your children and yourself after a divorce.

Divorce is debatably one of the hardest things a child is going to go through in their lives and it is all about how the parents handle the situation and continue to parent their children. In my experience my parent’s separating didn’t affect how great of parents they were however, I did attain some psychological issues due to the divorce. My parents faced the same struggle most parents face with not knowing what to do. After years of my problems, they finally took action. Even though the action was delayed, I couldn’t be more thankful for how they helped me and continue to help me every day.