The Importance of Truth and Transparency in Strong Friendships (On Friendship by Khalil Gibran Poem Analysis)

If one was to go through a book on the animal kingdom, they would see Homo sapiens as one of the most social species, evident through humans' need for connection in family relationships, romantic relationships, and friendships. The desire for companionship is so strong it easily overpowers the logical warnings when healthy relationships made of an amalgam of support, care, and trust are replaced with the toxicity of doubt, selfishness, and lies. In his poem, "On Friendship", Khalil Gibran advises on this, setting the scene of a man passionately lecturing the youths of his perception of an ideal friendship. Gibran develops the idea that friendships are based on truth and transparency, suggesting that hiding oneself or ulterior motives will only lead to unbeneficial relationships.  

As people navigate through life’s rocky waves and calm sunny days, they seek encouragement and connection from friends through the cherished comfort of being able to freely share their feelings, thoughts, and worries. This freedom is a crucial part of friendships, and being transparent with each other builds the golden structure of support and trust. As Gibran describes it, “When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the ‘nay’ in your own mind, nor do you withhold the ‘ay’” (Gibran 7). Essentially, one should always be comfortable with disagreeing or agreeing with their friend, as only when honesty holds will true friendships flourish. Moreover, true friendships are closely intertwined connections, not only verbally but also through nonverbal communication: “when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart; / For without words in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed” (Gibran 8-9). Like a story-book description of two people’s “telepathic” communication, intimate friends know what the other is thinking just through a glance, a smile, or the slight tilt of an eyebrow. The secret to this simply lies in a profound understanding of their companion. This level of transparency is a beautiful, defining factor of deep friendships, the ones that are of utmost joy and happiness to the “deepening of the spirit” (Gibran 12). Consequently, human’s need for this type of connection is strong, at times disregarding the hows and whys in forming a relationship, merely to fulfill the satisfaction of having one. Gibran declares that these friendships will end up meaningless: “For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught” (Gibran 13). Having anything other than the friendship for the friendship boils down to selfishness. Like the poem’s tone, the love we have for our friends should be appreciative, joyful, and pure. To have ulterior motives taints the love with dishonesty. Thus, in “On Friendship”, Gibran provides clear advice on what true friendships should be like, highlighting the importance of rooting in the comfort of sharing to blooming in the reassurance of honesty between one another.     

One of my most lovely, sweet friendships is with a friend who Gibran would happily approve of in regards to his standards of candour and sincerity. Before meeting her, my previous friendships lacked depth due to my anxiety about confiding in others. My fear of being a burden, unimportant, and awkward successfully shut my mouth each and every time. In comparison, this new friend of mine was much more open and gregarious than my other friends and me. She would freely tell me her worries and troubles: how her little brother was annoying her again, how she was fighting with her parents, how she was having conflicts with a peer. I would patiently listen to her problems, laugh a little at her description of her brother, sigh in sympathy at her retelling of her and her parents' fight, then thoughtfully craft my advice for how to deal with her classmate. Although it was not tangible to me how important my company was to her, she never forgot to reach onto the threads of appreciation mingling in the air and wrap me in her gratitude, always with a “Thank you so much, I greatly appreciate it. You are a great friend!” Our friendship passed through the years, warmly reminding me every so often of her precious reliance on me. The pleasant short “thank you’s” held great power in the moulding of a healthy, beneficial relationship for both of us. I was able to support my good friends and become more comfortable with sharing my own persistent worries, small or big, not only with her but with my other friends as well. This helped to strengthen my friendships and attain my need for below-the-surface connections. I sincerely value this dear friend. The seemingly unconditional trust I received from her truth and transparency established a friendship parallel to an aspect of Gibran’s ideal. 

The inevitable part of life is that friendships come and go, even one that laughed the loudest and cried the most in empathy. As seen in "On Friendship" and my personal experiences,  to easily disagree with your friend, convey without words, and share concerns between friends are small but powerful instances that build the best friendships in life. Friendships without the ability to accomplish any of these actions serve nothing but a cold, humourless laugh, a stark contrast to the warmth of real ones. It is an admirable goal and hope that one day the phrases of Khalil Gibran’s “On Friendship” can describe one’s friendships to the end of life’s journey.