The Worst You Ever Feel by Rebecca Makkai Analysis Essay

“The Worst You Ever Feel” is a short story written by Rebecca Makkai. She is a current author who writes about the outcomes of different wars in previous times. This particular story takes place in Romania in the 1900’s. Laura Spence-Ash is an author who states, "In writing about war, Makkai is clearly interested in those that survive war and how that survival impacts their lives" (par. 4). Rather than focusing on what takes place during the war, Makkai chooses to write about the consequences it has on Aaron’s father and Radelescu years after the war is over. Aaron’s father feels guilty for surviving the war, while Radelescu feels betrayed.

Aaron believes his father is a lucky man for making it out of the war alive. However, his father is guilty for leaving his people behind and saving himself.  Near the beginning of the story, the author gives a brief introduction about Aaron and his father. Aaron believes his father is the luckiest man in the world. He eventually finds out the truth about how his father made it out of Romania alive. Makkai states that Aaron’s father wins a scholarship to Juilliard to pursue a career in music, which is why he seems so lucky. Later in the story, the author states that “his father was not simply lucky” (Makkai 18) and he “looked to leave Romania… to save himself” (Makkai 18). The reader discovers that he is not so lucky, and he wants to leave Romania so he does not have to endure the effects of the war. Of course, his survival did not come without consequences. When he leaves Romania behind, he also leaves his friends and family behind. He never hears from them again, so he assumes that they have been imprisoned or killed.Aaron discovers that his father’s face shows “guilt, sadness, [and] anger” (Makkai 12). This statement concludes that even though the father may appear fine on the outside, he is carrying around the burden of guilt because of his decision to save himself over his friends and family in Romania. The guilt Aaron’s father carries around from his decision to save himself affects him through the rest of his life. 

Radelescu is another character in the story who feels the effects of World War I years after it is over. Radelescu becomes a prisoner for twenty years by the communists. Consequently, this causes him to appear slightly strange to others. As Radelescu, Aaron, and the father are in the grocery store, the author states, “Radelescu said something, laughed - then, pressing his mouth to the orange skin, kissed the fruit” (Makkai 4). This quote shows the lack of food Radelescu has while he is in prison. In turn, this affects him years later, even when he is doing something as simple as shopping in a grocery store. Unlike Aaron’s father who makes a decision to leave his family, Radelescu has no choice; he is forced into prison by the communists. This, consequently, causes him to leave behind his boyfriend, Morgenstern. The author states that Morgenstern “had left him” (Makkai 15). This statement allows the reader to discover that while Radelescu is in prison, his boyfriend is able to move on and start a new life without feeling any remorse. Radelescu, however, feels betrayed because he can not help that he is imprisoned. This feeling of betrayal carries over into Radelecu’s life in the future.

Rebecca Makkai writes about the ways war impacts the lives of the characters in “The Worst You Ever Feel.” She mainly focuses on the feelings of Aaron’s father and Radelescu.After leaving his friends and family behind in Romania, Aaron’s father feels guilty. Radelescu on the other hand, feels betrayed because he can not help having to leave Morgenstern. War is a very heavy burden to carry. Thankfully, the majority of people today have not had to deal with the effects of war, but that does not mean it will not ever happen. It is important to learn from people directly involved in war and writers, like Rebecca Makkai, that write about war.