Why should I marry Ben Barnes? Argumentative Essay

This is a question I have constantly asked myself for the 16 years I have been alive, and quite frankly, no issues have risen to the table. Asides from him being 39, but that’s an easily fixable problem with a time machine. If you don’t know who Ben Barnes is, leave now. I better not see anybody moving.

After intensive research that lasted minutes, and interviews conducted with myself, I have come to the conclusion that honestly, I should just go and do it. So, because we’re all big fans of lists, here’s 10 reasons why I need to start planning my wedding pretty much right away.

Reason number one I should marry Ben Barnes is because he is loaded, and I mean loaded, with money. His net worth is over two million pounds. Math may be my weakest subject, but it’s quite clear Ben Barnes could most definitely pay for the Narnia film DVDS to be played on a golden projector in my orchard that I definitely will be owning when I am married to Ben Barnes.

Which leads me to my second reason. The talent he possesses is impeccable. Who doesn’t want a talented husband? Imagine… one day, you get home and you see the one and only Ben Barnes in your room who is starring in a modern version of Romeo and Juliet put on just for you. The romance, the passion, it is necessary in a marriage and Ben Barnes has it. 

The third reason I should marry Ben Barnes is because he is a lover of poetry. He reads poetry. He’s literate. His favourite poem is “The Year” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox. Picture him reading this poem to you. In fact, you don’t have to picture it at all because after some intense research which consisted of one search stating ‘Ben Barnes poetry,’ it is revealed that he has gone and posted it on Twitter.

Ladies and gentlemen, I better see those phones out searching for it.

The fourth reason, and the reasons will keep coming, is because Ben Barnes is the perfect Sirius Black. He has the hair, he has the eyes, he has the accent. He is the definition of Sirius Black. And because well, to put it lightly, you can’t marry fictional characters, which better way to marry Sirius Black than to marry Ben Barnes who will probably play him when JK Rowling comes to her senses and makes a Marauders film? 

Are we at the fifth reason? We’re at the fifth reason. The fifth reason I should marry him is because he is fit. Unfairly so. Don’t tell me he isn’t fit, because he is. Have any of you watched Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian. No? Me neither. Ben plays a 13-year old in that film. Thirteen. At the age of 27. I mean, he didn’t really pull it off but that’s beside the point. So not only is he fit, he’s also ageless.

Sixth reason. He’s friends with Andrew Garfield. Okay, this may not seem important but do you know what that means? That means we practically have two people on board for the Marauders film because I am very persuasive. Not only does it allow the Marauders film to come to life, but also I can most definitely set Andrew up with my friend. See how kind I am? I’m 100% kind. Not really, I just want to go on the double date.

We’re moving onto the seventh reason. Seven is a lucky number so we’ll bring up the most important reason. He’s a Leo. I’m a Pisces. Do you know what that means? Unless your degree is in astrology or you spend an unhealthy amount of time looking at the horoscopes section in magazines, probably not. It means we have very high compatibility. Higher than the skirts of the Year 10s and they are pretty high.

Reason number eight. He is British. Do you know how hard it is to find a famous British actor, or actress, nowadays? It’s harder than algebra, and that is saying something. The good thing about him being British is that the chances are relatively low of him mocking my accent unlike the majority of Americans. Also, he’ll know all the best date spots to go to.

And now for number nine. He is unbelievably smart. Quotes by Ben Barnes include, “Jeff Bridges is one of my favourite actors in the history of ever.” I’ve never actually watched any of his films, but Ben makes an incredibly good point. Another quote of his is “I only remember the end of my dreams, like waking up at a steering wheel, or falling.”  Been there, done that.

The final reason, probably even more important than having a compatible zodiac sign, is that his name is extremely easy to nickname. Shall I  list some? Rhetorical question, doesn’t want an answer. Benjamin Bunny, Benji, Benita, BJ… Google had some wonderful suggestions… Anyway, I think it is totally and completely obvious I should marry Ben.

Of course, I’m arguing for my point of view, so we do have to list some disadvantages. The disadvantages are as listed : ( literally 10 second silence ) Okay, yeah, no. Thank you and you’re all invited to the wedding.