Fortitude of Love in From Scratch by Tembi Locke

Before Tembekile “Tembi” Locke met Saro Gullo, she did not yet understand how profound true love was. Tembi Locke's biography, From Scratch, depicts the difficulties that her love can endure. Undeterred by her and Saro’s unlikely relationship, their love thrives. From the beginning of their relationship, they are challenged with cross-cultural and language differences, as well as disapproval from Saro’s family. Seven years later, their relationship was tested by the adversities of cancer that for ten years threatened to take Saro from Tembi and their adopted daughter, Zoela. Though Saro did not win his battle with cancer, Tembi’s love persisted. Her love sustained the challenges of caring for her suffering husband and the grief she experienced along with her daughter. Throughout Tembi’s life, the resilience of her love is revealed. Tembi grows from her challenges, remaining strong as Saro’s caretaker, coping with her grief, and helping her daughter heal from her heartbreak.  

When Saro was diagnosed with leiomyosarcoma, a rare form of cancer, Tembi remained by his side until his last breath. Tembi found it difficult to watch him suffer, but her love for him kept her by his side. A friend of Tembi's suggests leaving him to allow herself to move on with her life and prevent experiencing continuous loss and pain throughout Saro’s battle. At a difficult time of their marriage during Saro’s cancer, Saro suggested that Tembi find a lover to satisfy her needs. She refused and replied, “‘No, absolutely not. No, Saro. I love you and only you. We’re in this together’” (Locke 197). Tembi decided that she would remain steadfast and support Saro through everything. She remembered the times at the beginning stages of their relationship when Saro came to visit her every night at one am after his shift was over. One night Tembi doubted he would come since it was raining. She fell asleep and woke up at three am to find Saro standing soaked in the rain. Saro had remained faithful in everything and stood by Tembi’s side, even leaving his life in Sicily to marry her and move to America. For both Saro and Tembi, “Love [had] a way of reshaping [them] and redefining [their] priorities and [their] motives. It [transformed their] actions and ultimately it [changed their] lives” (“A Love” 6). Their love was unconditional and selfless. No matter the challenge, they faced it together. From the start of their relationship, they were loyal companions for each other. Saro went against his parents’ wishes and married Tembi and moved to America to support her acting career. When Saro started his battle with cancer, Tembi chose to be his caretaker. When he decided to deny a liver transplant that might only briefly lengthen his life, she remained at his side, knowing that he was slipping away from her. Tembi’s love was strong enough to make it through the hardest challenge of her life, watching her husband suffer, knowing she would have to rebuild her and her daughter’s life without him.

When Saro passed away, Tembi suffered through immense grief. An important part of her life that had taught her to love and grow in understanding of life had been taken away. Saro had been a constant support and without him, she felt alone. She believed “[there was] no bottom to [her] grief, no way out, just through. Through darkness, isolation, and the deprivation of his touch” (Locke 4). Saro’s love and the unique, Sicilian food he created had made her life invigorating. On her first semi-official date, Tembi had brought her friends according to his invitation. Saro served her the full menu, but it was the first dish, risotto con sugo verde, that made the possibility of their relationship come to life. Through his Sicilian culture, he gave her a new depth in life. Her wholehearted love for him also meant she experienced a deep loss. When Tembi went to Sicily to “scatter [Saro’s ashes according to his wishes, it] would really mean he was dead. Not just dead in L.A. but dead in Sicily, dead at his mother’s house” (Locke 101). She had to rebuild her life without him in both L.A. and Sicily. Her continued love for him made it difficult to let go. She took time to experience each stage of grief and grow in love and understanding as a widow and single parent. She had to learn to make food without his guidance and live without his love. Still, it was her memory of Saro and her love for Zoela that made her keep fighting to stand strong, despite her sorrow. 

Not only did Tembi have to cope with her own grief, but she had to help Zoela manage hers as well. Since Zoela was only seven when Saro passed away, she did not always understand what was going on. A grief counselor had shown Tembi how to help Zoela understand that Saro died. She taught her how to help Zoela create memories of Saro’s death to help Zoela move forward. It was difficult for Tembi to help her daughter understand her grief without truly understanding her own. Zoela did not understand how to process her emotions or realize how her words could hurt. In one conversation, Tembi felt it especially difficult to hear Zoela say, “she wished [her mother] were dead and not him. [Zoela] had said many things, things that were hard to hear, harder still to push through” (Locke 172). Both of their hearts broke over Saro’s death. It was difficult for them to move forward in life without him. Nothing soothed their wounds. Memories often just caused more pain. Together Tembi and Zoela cried, mourned and remembered how joyful their life had been before Saro’s death. The process of grief had started before he had died, but that did not make it easier. Tembi saw how her daughter’s heart broke when she realized her father was dying of cancer. The process of grief had started in Saro’s cancer and would continue. She would grieve after his death, and again in future years when Zoela missed her dad in the big moments of her life. Regardless of how much Tembi’s grief hurt, “[Zoela] was the person who gave [Tembi] a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Because even in grief, motherhood made [her] show up” (Locke 119). Through it all, the hurtful words, the questions that were difficult to answer, Zoela was what kept her moving forward. Because of her, she worked to rebuild their lives. Her love for the daughter she had adopted with Saro, encouraged her to continue to love.

In conclusion, Tembi’s love endures many challenges and heartaches. She loves through her difficult times as Saro’s caregiver, handling her own heartache, and helping her daughter with love to mature without her father. Tembi faces a variety of challenges before she marries Saro, and again frequently thereafter. Considering the suffering that Tembi was undergoing because of Saro’s cancer, Saro suggests that she should find a lover. However, Tembi chooses to remain faithful and be the loving, steadfast support he had been for her in the past. After Saro passed away, she struggled to overcome her grief and move forward with her life. Her love for him encouraged her to fulfill his wishes and grow from her experience of his love. The most difficult part of her journey was rebuilding her life as a single mother. She had to move forward and help Zoela mature and learn from her heartache. Even in her overwhelming grief in Saro’s absence, everything she had learned about love helped her move her life forward. 

Works Cited

"A Love That Changes Everything." Trail Daily Times [Trail, Canada], 6 June 2021, p. NA. Gale In Context: Canada, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A664312298/GPS?u=ko_k12hs_d60&sid= bookmark-GPS&xid=3fec0091.

Locke, Tembi. From Scratch: a Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2020.