A Reflection Essay on Personal Childhood Memories
The moment I hear the word ‘childhood’, my mind picturizes my tiny little self, wearing a maroon pinafore over a white shirt, standing in front of Ursuline, a rustic old school along the coast of the sublime Arabian sea. I have always felt that it was Ursuline that chiseled me into the person I am, and I have always wondered why it was so special to me.
Whilst the kids of my age threw tantrums while going to school, I enjoyed every moment at school and the thought of being there gripped me with excitement. I was oblivious to my academics, and school to me was a place of fun and frolic. Amma and Acha vividly recall the day Sr. Philo, our principal, told them with a warm smile that I went to school as if it was an amusement park. I cannot recollect exact moments or memories of my initial years at school, but I can assure that I was always happy being there.
As years passed, Ursuline transformed into something precious and priceless, and it was the people there that made it so special. It was in my fifth standard that I realized how dear the people of Ursuline were to me. It was a cozy Sunday afternoon. Amma and I were leisurely lying on the bed, hugging each other. Such afternoons were very rare amidst Amma’s hectic life, and I decided to make the most of it by telling her about school. The conversation mostly revolved around Sindu Ma’am, who was my class teacher that year. Sindhu Ma’am was very dainty and all of us in class looked up to her in adoration. She showered us with motherly affection and during one of the classes, I unintentionally ended up calling her “Amma” instead of “Ma’am”. Suddenly, Amma asked me, "Whom do you love more? Me or Sindhu Ma'am? " The eleven-year-old me did not take a moment to think and immediately replied, "Sindhu Ma'am." It was only after I saw Amma’s face turning pale that I felt that I should have thought a little longer before replying. However, I consoled myself by saying that it was always better, to be honest.
I remember with gratitude the love and affection of each and every staff at Ursuline. My tenth standard was a year filled with fear and anxiety. Amidst all those worries was the annual day celebration of our school. I was supposed to deliver the vote of thanks. For the first time, I found myself timid to the core. I did not know what to do. I was standing behind the stage, revising the speech over and over again. Prashanthi Eachi, who used to work in the biology lab, noticed me getting nervous and came next to me and enquired about what happened. With tear-filled eyes, I told her that I was feeling distraught. She held my hands and swiftly took me to the biology lab. She quickly grabbed a tiny tiffin box from one of the shelves, opened it, and asked me to open my mouth. She slowly put a spoonful of sugar into my mouth and asked me to melt it in my mouth, saying “This is Sr.Philo’s trick to overcome anxiety”. She stood by my side until I went on to the stage. When I got off the stage, I found her waiting for me with a broad smile, truly a million-dollar one! I felt loved. Two years later, coming down the stage after delivering my farewell speech at Ursuline, I saw Prashanthi Eachi waiting for me with the same vibrant smile. That was when I realized how unconditional her love was. That was indeed the magic of Ursuline, the unconditional love of all the lovely souls there.
The pandemic and the lockdown snatched away the wonderful days of my last year at school. I feared that I could no longer be there, and the thought in itself made me feel melancholic. I remember how I cried over the phone to Rani Ma'am, telling her that I ardently desired to go back to school. I missed school, the sisters, the teachers, the friends, and the lovely time I had there. I wished my school days dragged on a little longer or that I could go back and do it again. I overcame that grief by spending most of my time studying and enjoying the online classes. Probably because I believed that the least I could do for a school that gave me utmost happiness was to make it feel proud of me. I was indeed successful in doing so, but later I realized that whatever I do, I can never express my gratitude towards that heavenly abode.
Though my memories at Ursuline were all pleasant and reminiscing about them brings a smile to my face, the world outside Ursuline was antithetical. Stepping into the real world, I felt that nobody can love people unconditionally the way Sindhu Ma’am, Prashanthi Eachi, and Sr. Lissy did, and "kindness", "empathy" and "sympathy" towards others are mere words of adornment. While Ursuline inspired us to be paragons of virtue, looking around me, I felt that all of these were an illusion. The world Ursuline encouraged us to believe in was never new to me. It was indeed the same world that Coonoor Achamma made me believe in. Ursuline and Coonoor Achamma echoed the same philosophy and spirituality, which made a lot of sense to the little girl I was, but it wrapped the teenager in me in puzzlement about what reality actually was. Months later, when I went back to that old little school, I realized that Ursuline was perhaps so special because of this utopian idea it breathed into us. Walking through the long corridors, climbing over the small steps, and staring at the aesthetic ‘butterfly garden’, I could feel the bond I shared with a school that was much more than a school. I walked out of the main-gate grinning cheerfully because I knew that a part of me would eternally be at Ursuline, enveloped in warmth and affection. Perhaps, the same warmth and affection I enjoyed when Coonoor Achamma was beside me.
