Gender Roles in Everything I Never Told You (Essay Sample)

From birth, everyone is expected to act corresponding to their gender. Whether that be a housewife or breadwinner, gender identity is forced upon individuals by society and culture. In Celeste Ng’s novel, Everything I Never Told You, gender roles are portrayed through the characters. Marilyn Lee is eager to excel past society’s expectations by becoming a doctor, but she discovers that it’s almost impossible for her to do so. Fearing turning into her mother, she does precisely so by pressuring Lydia, her daughter, to live out her dreams that she cannot pursue. “It's Time We Stopped Treating Fangirls as Pop Culture's Favourite Punchline,” an article written by Hasina Khatib explores the ways women change themselves to be thought of positively by society. A report by Laura Bates titled “Young children must be protected from ingrained gender stereotypes” researches the gender stereotypes prevalent in everyday life and their effects on children. In the novel, Marilyn’s discovery of gender stereotypes affects her self-worth and distorts the relationships she has with her family.

Marilyn attempts to rebel against her mother’s idea of femininity by enrolling in classes that were traditionally created for men which she learns is a problem that reaches beyond her home. When Marilyn receives a scholarship from Radcliffe, the sister school to Harvard, her mother, Doris, celebrates the possibility of her meeting a man to marry rather than a great academic achievement her daughter makes. Because of Doris' patriarchal view of femininity, Marilyn feels the need to prove that she is something different, so when she surrenders to her fate after meeting James Lee, she is bothered “for the rest of her life that her mother had been right” because she finds a “wonderful Harvard '' man to marry (Ng 30). Marilyn gives up on her rebellion and becomes a housewife as her mother wants. A significant factor in Marilyn’s dream of becoming a doctor is that it’s different from Doris’s socially accepted path. This highlights the idea that their relationship is strained. It’s possible that when Marilyn married James, she stopped talking to her mother because she views her as a symbol of her failed dreams. Marilyn’s relationship with Doris is not the only thing weighing her down. While at Radcliffe, Marilyn speaks to her advisor and attempts to enroll in a chemistry class. When she’s questioned about her decision, “she [explains] shyly that she [is] hoping to become a doctor. ‘Not a nurse?’ [her advisor] said, with a chuckle” (Ng 25). She has seen that women have far fewer societal expectations to be successful. Even though she’s an adult attempting to get a degree in something that she’s passionate about, she can not be seen past what she is, a woman. For Marilyn to not have a choice in how she is perceived in society is a problem that affects other people as well. Many toys are advertised towards a specific gender-based on what society rules as girl or boy. When walking down “the strictly segregated aisles of many toy stores, blue shelves mark off chemistry sets, dinosaurs, and building tools as the domain of boys, while girls are left holding the (plastic) baby” (Bates). The assumptions that toy companies make about whether a toy is classified as boy or girl are harmful to children and their identities. Even though there’s nothing wrong with a child who chooses the traditional toy, it’s vital for them to feel like they’re allowed to have a choice. Although Marilyn attempts to free herself from her mother’s opinion of femininity, she is met with the harsh reality that women are not held to the same standards as men.

Pushing gender stereotypes on women affects their self-worth and how they portray themselves to society. Feeling trapped in her suburban life, Marilyn runs away in hopes of pursuing her dream of becoming a doctor. Before she finishes the course, she discovers that she is pregnant with her third child. Forced to return home, Marilyn once again feels stuck. She calls her husband's coworker, who told her he had an open position months before. Upon contacting him, she finds out that he has filled the role and “ [has] no idea [she was] actually serious about that. With [her] husband and all” (Ng 93). Marilyn does not want to only be seen as mother and wife, but the confession from James’ coworker proves that is how she is viewed. Marilyn feels like her life has more to offer so when she can’t progress, her self-esteem is greatly affected. Many women in modern-day culture, find that they are expected to present themselves a certain way to prevent negative comments from society. The presence of “cultural tropes like the ‘cool girl’—who is not like other girls because she loves sports—often exist to disparage feminine interests in [favor] of masculinely coded ones” (Khatib). Many women feel they need to act more masculine to gain respect from others. To group a gender with a certain activity, like sports, can further inhibit a woman from creating her own identity because she could be negatively perceived by society due to harsh analysis of women’s behavior. Like many women, Marilyn feels that socially prescribed stereotypes can greatly affect her identity and self-worth.

Because of society's view of femininity, Marilyn develops a strained relationship with her mother as well as herself. A woman's role in society is pushed onto girls at a young age, affecting them throughout their lives whether that be their self-esteem or relationships with others. In the modern-day, women have equal rights and opportunities, but they are still harshly criticized in the media compared to their male counterparts. In order to change this, society must work together to rid the use of dated stereotypes to achieve equal respect for all genders.